please empty your brain below
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Excellent satire DG, good to see you on top form. I’m guessing a lot of your readers will be emptying their brains here today...
Toni | 11.05.20 - 7:08 a.m. | #
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Spot on!
Vee Jay Em | 11.05.20 - 7:09 a.m. | #
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I would have preferred to see a level 0 to indicate Covid-19 was no longer present in the UK, or in England only.
Alternative: Everyone's got it!
Jeremy | 11.05.20 - 7:11 a.m. | #
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Oh, if only it was not so........
RosemaryT | 11.05.20 - 7:18 a.m. | #
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the clue that this is a spoof is that everyone knows the virus is not bacteria
Richard | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 7:28 a.m. | #
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...and anyway it would be "this nasty little bacterium"
Timbo | 11.05.20 - 7:36 a.m. | #
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perfect
Chr0me | 11.05.20 - 7:53 a.m. | #
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How would you do the messaging DG? Perhaps an idea for tomorrow's piece.
Andy Riley | 11.05.20 - 8:37 a.m. | #
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Reduce overheads >>> Let the vulnerable die >>> cut taxes.
Here's to the next 30,000.
Although without a vaccine do we spend the next x years just sitting around twiddling our thumbs, racking up debts that we'll never recover from, having hard working people reduced to penury through no fault of their own.
There is a part of me which is 'if you die, you die' - take the projected 700,000 deaths and mass graves, just get it over with.
Still Anon | 11.05.20 - 8:53 a.m. | #
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Well folks if you remember 'Yes Minister/Prime Minister' you'll recall that a lot of their 'satire' proved to be 'factual'...
Perhaps DG was one of the script writers? ;)
Kevin Too | 11.05.20 - 8:54 a.m. | #
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The best Covid-19 written pieces I have seen.
PVR | 11.05.20 - 10:10 a.m. | #
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What's happened to the font today?
I do like the Nandos style chart though for the ratings!
Bruce Wayne | 11.05.20 - 10:15 a.m. | #
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You have been raiding our bins again haven’t you
Acme advertising agency | 11.05.20 - 10:26 a.m. | #
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Cull the oldies >> Release thousands of houses >> Have an Inheritance Tax boom.
Rick | 11.05.20 - 10:28 a.m. | #
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I've moved your
"I wish this post had been about air travel"
comments over here → (comments(5)
diamond geezer | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 10:34 a.m. | #
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Matt Lucas made a good piss take video of Johnston's confusing announcement and it can be found on YouTube.
Andrew | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 10:38 a.m. | #
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Great blog DG.
One of more ludicrous statements was 'Go back to work if you can't work from home but avoid using public transport if possible'. By the very nature of their jobs, the people who can't work from home tend to be the lower paid and as such are least likely to afford to run a car.
After years of Londoners being encouraged to get rid of their cars the government now suggest it would be handy if we had one.
Richard | 11.05.20 - 11:26 a.m. | #
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You forgot the equation that isn't.
Tony Woolf | 11.05.20 - 11:29 a.m. | #
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Because I've been avoiding this whole thing as far as possible - making an exception for dg - I'm not actually sure how much of this is real. I assumed the illustrations were actually real govt ones, interspersed with excellently incisive satirical commentary.
Meanwhile I'm still going nowhere, just in case someone tries to stop me.
Sarah | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 11:40 a.m. | #
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Thanks, DG. Nailed it.
The next move will be to wind down the furlough support because everyone can go back to work shortly. (Once the schools are reopened, social distancing measures are in place for public transport and workplaces, and everyone has the PPE they need. Oh.)
I wonder how much the ONS weekly deaths figures tomorrow will be up or down, and if they will still show around 10,000 excess deaths in England and Wales in the week to 1 May.
Andrew | 11.05.20 - 11:49 a.m. | #
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Yes Minister / Yes Prime Minister changed my way of thinking about politics, as did Damien's actions in Drop the Dead Donkey change my way of thinking about reporting (all three are available on YT).
DG's contribution would fit in nicely as a perfect example of what the real world is probably like :-)
rogmi | 11.05.20 - 11:49 a.m. | #
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Please DG email this blog to Johnson and his Cabinet immediately so they can see how their message is getting through and failing the English people. The government need to get real about this situation and with the English people.
Tones | 11.05.20 - 11:53 a.m. | #
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So risible is the government's advice this morning's Metro reads like a 2nd April debrief of the previous day's shenanigan's. This whole 'save the NHS''save lives' crap is seriously narking me off. All the people with ongoing medical needs who are not getting seen or treated seem to be the collateral losers along with residential care home residents and workers.
B | 11.05.20 - 12:01 p.m. | #
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i happen to know one of the people who came up with the "AIDS don't die of ignorance" campaign in the 1980s.
he thought the latest "stay alert" advice campaign was a spoof, and when i explained it was real advice he was shocked how crap it is
bert | 11.05.20 - 12:39 p.m. | #
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They need to reopen the economy now and get kids back into schools!
Max Laverack from Shornley | 11.05.20 - 1:57 p.m. | #
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From the latest 60-page Government guidance document:
"Stay at home" has been a simple, clear message. But as more social contact resumes, the Government will need to ask people to operate in new ways.
This will require a high level of understanding, if adherence is to remain at the high levels the Government needs to avoid a second peak in infections.
The more complex the request becomes, the harder it is for people to comply with the measures.
(the last five pages of the document are blank)
diamond geezer | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 2:42 p.m. | #
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They might just as well have gone with
Careful Now!
Down With This Sort Of Thing!
Autolycus | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 3:15 p.m. | #
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'Careless talk costs lives' etc. I only had Trump in mind in this context until last week, then joined by the PM and what the idiot tabloids made of it.
The combination of the new slogan and garbled information from yesterday is deadly. Not sorting it with Scotland and Wales in advance is shambolic.
The colour scale bar thingy, and its sibling, the Swing-o-meter of Doom were shown with no explanation of how the greens and yellow are calibrated, and where distancing kicks in and out.
To get the message cross effectively, the yellow zone, where we are now should be called "In Deep S**t". The green zones should be "it is actually serious, you know" and "don't ignore it - be safe!"
I noticed a new piece of language yesterday: making places 'Covid Secure' for travel and work. The HSE has advice which also includes 'as much as possible' and 'if you can' type language. We are going to have to get to grips with all this. It's not going to be easy.
NickW | 11.05.20 - 3:30 p.m. | #
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I trust those blank pages actually bore the legend, "This page has been intentionally left blank."
Tim | 11.05.20 - 3:48 p.m. | #
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The PM in Parliament this afternoon:
"Let's be absolutely clear - I think everybody understands what we are trying to do together.
And that is working together as a country to obey social distancing rules that everyone understands.
This is the moment for the whole country to come together, obey those rules and apply their common sense in the application of those rules."
There is no need for satire.
diamond geezer | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 4:21 p.m. | #
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"There is a part of me which is 'if you die, you die' - take the projected 700,000 deaths and mass graves, just get it over with."
-still anon
I wish to be clear that I completely disassociate myself from the Toby Young style views of my closely named fellow regular commentator
new still anon | 11.05.20 - 9:06 p.m. | #
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Indeed, Boris is completely and utterly a satire of himself. The press conference this evening was difficult to watch.
I like how even the shade of yellow has shifted - from jaundice (boo) to sunflower (yay).
Harry | Homepage | 11.05.20 - 9:07 p.m. | #
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Boris should have read the GOV.UK FAQs - they are actually very useful. Everyone should read them carefully and then ask any questions... of which there may remain plenty, but not as many as arising from this current information pandemonium
How about "Keep to the Rules > Save Lives"
NickW | 11.05.20 - 9:30 p.m. | #
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