please empty your brain below

you soud like a Tory
I hope you told a fib when you wrote you haven't worn anything other than jogging bottoms for months. Spoils my mental image.
One of many fibs, I'm sure ...

Reading that litany it strikes me just how few of those things I miss. The pub. Er, that's it.
Some of us are hoping for at least a semblance of a plan for foreign travel so that we can rejoin our families, not all travel is as selfish as wanting a tan.
Like most reasonable people, I think everything I enjoy should be allowed immediately but everything I don’t enjoy should stay closed.

Your paragraph on trains did make me wistful though.
Thanks Sir Desmond Swayne for replyng to my last email, even if on a public forum. You are the last Brit with commonsense standing.
...and so say all of us, though wish rather than demand
It is entirely reasonable to demand ALL of these things. Freedom is not selfishness. Choose your future. Choose life.
...and so say swathes of our idiot press

I demand to go to a club so I can see DG shake his booty
"I'm sure today's roadmap will confirm I deserve my old life back as soon as possible."

And if it does, we'll all be back where we currently are sometime soon...

See also DG's previous post on this subject, of course.
Aside from the terrible toll of death and the prolonged strain on NHS people, one of the saddest things revealed clearly by the pandemic is just what a selfish, expectant and demanding society we appear to have become.
I demand that Diamond Geezer be allowed back on a train to cross the country. I am happy enough in lockdown, but do miss the vicarious adventures. But you can forget all the rest...
I demand an end to face masks, so I can see smiles again.
IMO you sound like most of us, after nearly a year of Covid 19, the snapping point has arrived.
A tan? The one and only DG?

Because you’re worth it.
I agreed with you completely and non-ironically for the first paragraph as I too demand to have some booze followed by cake and the finest wines available to humanity in a Penrith tea-room.

It went downhill a bit after that...
I demand that my children sit at proper desks under exam conditions regurgitating proper facts that have been shouted at them by proper masters standing in front of rows of children all properly facing the same way.
" because the British winter is brutal, so now that spring's here we should all be allowed inside in the warm."

This had me laughing out loud!
I think the only thing keeping me sane at the moment is the promise of nicer weather to be outside more often!

Apart from no longer travelling on public transport my life is pretty much the same as it was pre-Covid! I don't know if that's good or bad!
The comparison to the marshmallow test is spot on.
Just missing the pub, but I'm prepared to wait.

Fed up of all the babies in the back of the car bleating 'Are we there yet??' but wanting to get out of the car anyway even though we're not there.
The trick to buying non-essential items from shops is to visit stores which also sell stuff deemed essential by the government which is why I go to Wilko for household equipment and Asda for clothing.
My waistband is telling me I've eaten all the damn marshmallows already, so I'm not too fussed about missing out on the things I've nearly forgotten about.

Except a haircut, that is.
I see no reason why I can't get a haircut when I could have my eyes tested and my teeth checked as well as going to the doctors if I felt I was ill.
Because you’ve only got one set of teeth and two eyes, while your hair isn’t permanently damaged by letting it grow or cutting it too short? however unpleasant that is, which I entirely agree with
While I have a lot of sympathy with your frustration with people demanding without thinking of the consequences, I also have a lot of sympathy with people - especially those who are more gregarious than some of us - who are just utterly fed up and frustrated with the way things are, and are dragging on, and the sheer unutterable boredom of life at the moment.

I'd give a huge amount to be able to do just about any of these.

Except marshmallows. I hate them. Nasty squishy things
The upcoming generation would probably rename the test as the Haribo test.

Other brands of gummy sweets in lurid colours and occasionally disturbing shapes are available
I really want a marshmallow now. But, the question is, do I get the horrible sickly ones that I can get in my supermarket delivery, or do I wait until I can go out to a non-essential shop and buy the ones I actually like.
I see I'm not the only one who wondered whether DG had been watching Withnail & I too many times during lockdown.
Imagine how we would have reacted to this piece if it had been posted a year ago...
This is a ‘put up with it’ type lockdown which has been a consequence of a virus that has some stealth. For the next pandemic, we could have a 1918-‘flu-like virus if you like, so that whole families, young and old can die together within a week, thus preventing the angst of having to stay in and think that it can’t affect you and why can’t you do what you want, blasted government. Or next time it could be even worse still, till the global overpopulation situation is solved, global warming is slowed, sea level rise is damped down and London will be saved from the mega-flood, hooray! Except there won’t be anyone left to walk around it and the last bus will have departed anyway.

I am enjoying lockdown aren’t I?
Have you gone off Becks then?
I want one marshmallow now, because I have learnt that the promise of two later will not be fulfilled.
Diamond Geezer the pessimist / fatalist strikes again.

I demand he never be put in charge of the country, because we'd all be locked up until zero Covid is achieved if he were.
I'm fine with that, so long as you're never put in charge of the country either.

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