please empty your brain below
This happened to me when I was posted to Singapore in 1989. At weekends I would speak to nobody from Friday evening until Monday morning and,like you, got used to it. I started enjoying solo exploration trips.

Christopher Bellew | Homepage | 19.04.18 - 7:10 a.m. | #

Wot! No helpline number at the end of this piece in case I'm 'affected'?

MrMoanalot | 19.04.18 - 7:11 a.m. | #

'The cure for loneliness is solitude'

I read that somewhere and it's stuck with me.

Sarah | 19.04.18 - 7:19 a.m. | #

As a student in the early 1970s I travelled alone for a week from Tunis to Liverpool, and didn’t even notice I hadn’t spoken to anyone other than transactionally.

Since then I have been generally fine with my own company. I think the only time it hits hard is in long days when it is impossible to get out, for whatever reason. Am somewhat concerned for what this will mean in old age.

Liz | 19.04.18 - 7:24 a.m. | #

In the early 1990s I used to go off for a couple of weeks in summer for a group cycling holiday. That meant meeting 40-50 people I didn't know, and it was great - I met people I would never have come across in the usual rub of things, and friendships endure. In many ways it was a world within a world.

It is a great pity that that sort of event seems to have died for a host of reasons: an increase in social, income and particularly age stratification, general distrust of unknown people and desire for more "sophisticated" (individualistic) holidays.

Alastair Scott | 19.04.18 - 7:42 a.m. | #

Actually, in terms of communicating with people, you do it every day. The fact you didn't use your voice, or see our faces, or hear our voices, is the issue you raise.

B | 19.04.18 - 8:12 a.m. | #

I seem to recall that Theresa May was planning to nominate a 'Loneliness Tzar'. Hasn't she been in contact yet?

Petras409 | 19.04.18 - 8:16 a.m. | #

Dear Diamond, Please visit an art gallery, sculpture garden, architectural standout or wildlife sanctuary before I shoot myself.......
regards from a wintry NZ
Nick

Nick | 19.04.18 - 8:28 a.m. | #

As a retiree with a working wife I can easily go all day without speaking with anyone. I was an only child so not a problem for me.

Peter | 19.04.18 - 8:28 a.m. | #

Happily had a mid-life gap year going around the world and spent most of it travelling on my own. So I could measure this in months. And this was in an era when international phone calls were expensive and often difficult to arrange if you weren't staying at an expensive hotel and email didn't exist.

It wasn't a problem.

Pedantic of Purley | 19.04.18 - 9:02 a.m. | #

I think I'm the opposite, born as a twin, then boarding school, then uni, then moving in with a girlfriend, means that the first time I spent even 24 hours without a named conversation was when I was 26. I didn't like it.

I'm someone that will turn on a podcast if I happen to be home alone - or generally find ways to keep busy. From a mindfulness perspective I should perhaps take a leaf out of your book!

Tom | 19.04.18 - 9:23 a.m. | #

When my kids were younger and prone to whine when friends were unavailable, I always told them that if you can be happy in your own company, you'll never be alone.
It worked - a bit too well in the case of 1 of them who now works in his room, not even interacting online, and barely uttering mono-syllable responses to us when he appears!

Cornish Cockney | 19.04.18 - 9:42 a.m. | #

Dear DG

Firstly, thanks for writing your blog - I've been reading it with pleasure for many years and it has prompted many trips to see the places you've described.

I wanted to suggest that you add a link from your comments pages back to the blogpost they reference. Many comments provide very useful information, but if someone arrives at the comments page from a search engine, they have no way to get back to the relevant blog.

This will also help historians trawling The Internet Archive decades from now!

Lizzy | 19.04.18 - 9:47 a.m. | #

Currently at 37 days and counting.

If you substracted my parents I'd probably be somewhere in the 1000s.

stevekeiretsu | 19.04.18 - 9:49 a.m. | #

You didn’t cope becuase you wrote a blog about it...

Mark | 19.04.18 - 9:55 a.m. | #

@Alastair Scott: group holidays do still exist. I don't know about the cycling world, but I go on at least one choral singing holiday every year.

Jonathan Wadman | 19.04.18 - 10:09 a.m. | #

What a happy coincidence - out of a random selection of people, DG would surely be the one to choose for info about the best way to Leicester Square.

trad or anon | 19.04.18 - 10:17 a.m. | #

@Jonathan: Good to hear that, because they are dying and clubs and societies most certainly are. 20 years ago I used to play in a chess league in Scotland which had five divisions. It is still going, but only with one division and only just (more ties than not have individual games defaulted because one or both teams didn't have a full complement of players).

I also note that Thurrock FC (a semi-professional football club with its own ground) is closing down at the end of the season because the chairman is in poor health, had to give up and nobody would take over, which strikes me as a remarkably inconsequential reason.

Alastair Scott | 19.04.18 - 10:23 a.m. | #

The irony being that I'm sure a lot of your readers would like to meet you for a pint, DG!

DuttySouth | 19.04.18 - 10:28 a.m. | #

I don't know how you do it; all those trips to interesting places, I suppose. Without those, it would be my idea of hell.

I work in an office in which nobody speaks to me and live on my own. Retirement or unemployment would be even worse.

AndrewWS | 19.04.18 - 10:30 a.m. | #

We have evolved as a social species, so it's not surprising that such periods are slightly unusual. But it's absolutely not a problem unless it is a problem.

As you rightly point out at the end, there are many people who are isolated like this and do not like it. In your case, you would be able to change the situation if you wished, and you clearly know that, and choose not to.

Malcolm | 19.04.18 - 10:37 a.m. | #

I've clicked the imaginary 'like' button.

Andrew | Homepage | 19.04.18 - 11:47 a.m. | #

Frequently go days without seeing anyone, let alone speaking to anyone.

Chris | 19.04.18 - 12:29 p.m. | #

I'm sure I'd cope; sometimes I crave solitude, but am unable to source it.

OOOH..WELWYN NORTH!! My local station.. I'm excited now!

Frank F | 19.04.18 - 12:50 p.m. | #

I'm retired and to me this is a normal way of life, I have some weeks with no conversation apart from shopping etc, not even phone calls. But I work in an office (voluntary, for a charity) on Mondays so solitude is never longer than 6 days, though even there my activities include proofreading/editing/book cataloguing which involve little talking.

All this is by choice. I've lived alone (with cats) for many years, and even when housebound following a stay in hospital I've kept myself fully occupied.

Social media is useful, certainly I can keep in touch with friends easily and even hear about new social events; I now go regularly to a board games evening which evolved from discussions in my local Facebook group a few years ago and now happens monthly.

Even if you're less antisocial than me, it's probably best to have some inner resources, you never know what may happen. Friends may move away, illness may strike leaving you with restricted mobility or even completely housebound.

amber | 19.04.18 - 12:53 p.m. | #

Ah another of those "I am scarily like DG" posts. I am pretty much the same in terms of lack of contact with people other than those minor bits of interraction in day to day life. It very rarely bothers me as I've been used to my own company for a long time. I much prefer the freedom to do my own thing as and when and not to be at the beck and call of others or for others to expect to set their agenda for them (as on group holidays in the past).

PC | 19.04.18 - 1:07 p.m. | #

I've experienced total solitude wild-camping in the Scottish Highlands. The solitude was nice up to a point but got to admit I did really appreciate interacting with other people when I finally reached civilization again. For me, a few hours of proper solitude in that type of environment is great but after a day or 2 its a bit unsettling for me.

Bill | 19.04.18 - 2:06 p.m. | #

Days, weeks, months go by...and i barely really talk with anyone. The self-serve machines often "ask" me more questions that what humans do plus i leave the odd post online. Sign of the times perhaps

Grumpy Anon | 19.04.18 - 5:40 p.m. | #

Pretty much my situation, and one I am quite happy with.

Dominic h | 19.04.18 - 6:27 p.m. | #

Since I have no friends in this country, apart from my wife, I can go several months without talking to someone I know apart from my wife.

John | 19.04.18 - 9:20 p.m. | #

Welwyn North - I suspect DG's been to the Roman Baths.

dg writes: June 2016.

Hadders | 19.04.18 - 10:30 p.m. | #

I have spent days indoors without even going outside, until going out becomes almost an obligation, like "oh, I must go out, the fridge is empty, I need shopping". I find solitude peaceful, to the extent that I can't imagine how people manage with some racket like the radio, or television, or music playing in the background. Why do people voluntarily bombard their ears with noise?

Ian | 20.04.18 - 3:42 a.m. | #

Well there'll be plenty of people to talk to at the next DG readers pub meet. Monday, isn't it?

martin | 20.04.18 - 6:46 a.m. | #

I envy you the chance to try, and yet to have friends if it doesn’t work out.
I’m rarely alone and even an afternoon feels special.
Good post though. Noone writes about this and the comments are equally fascinating.

Sally Hirst | 21.04.18 - 10:56 p.m. | #

Good post. Sometimes I like being alone (e.g. doing DIY with no-one to witness my mistakes) and sometimes I don't. Some things I find unbearable alone (e.g. ski-ing, even for twenty minutes).

Justin | 23.04.18 - 12:07 p.m. | #











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