please empty your brain below
King's Cross: Advanced users only

disgruntled | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 10:03 a.m. | #

Heh, heh, excellent.

NiC | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 10:10 a.m. | #

Paddington: If you can bear it.

Leuconoe | 04.10.08 - 10:11 a.m. | #

Barking. We're not joking

Simon | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 10:20 a.m. | #

Earl's Court: Destination indicators cunningly placed to draw a dense crowd, thus blocking the head of of the stairs from the Picadilly Line.

(Note though that this is consistent with LT general policy of placing destination indicators where they won't be worn out by eyeball traffic. That and the multi-track rule disallowing intelligible station announcements - sheesh!)

and..

Earl's Court: Single Metro dispenser at in Warwick Road exit corridor, strategically placed to draw incoming passengers into the path of exiting passengers, for maximum rush-hour aggro.

Golders Green: plentiful staircases to/from platforms, but their arrangement defies human logic and requires more than 3 dimensions to map.

slabman | 04.10.08 - 10:49 a.m. | #

Kings Cross St Pancras: it's a long long walk to the St Pancras overground trains. Give yourself 10 minutes at least.

Kings Cross St Pancras: Northbound Victoria line trains do not go to Euston; Northbound Northern line trains do
(yes that is a confession)

Victoria: you won't get in here around 8am (unless you sneak through the Circle and District Line entrance)

Westminster: beware tourists standing at the top of the stairs gazing up at what they believe to be Big Ben but is in fact St Stephen's Tower

Euston: the bus stops for buses going to Oxford Circus/ Baker Steet/ Paddington ARE OVER THE ROAD

Stations north west of Rayners Lane: Platform indicators for display purposes only. No actual indication of train information until other bits of the upgrade work are completed.

Stations from North Harrow on the Metropolitan Line: We have a timetable for this line but it's a semi-secret you'll have to search for it.

Carpenders Park, Bushey, Watford High Street: We had to put it in this zone even though this station is much closer to London than Chorleywood becuase someone mucked up the tendering process for London Overground.

Claire | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 10:54 a.m. | #

Upminster Bridge: alight here to admire this bit of only partially successful modernist architecture from 1935 the crowning glory of which is a big tiled swastika covering most of the floor in the entrance hall

Plaistow: (a) It's not pronounced "Play-stow", moron. (b)I'm sure there are some unrepeatable Ian Dury lyrics about the people you'll meet here...

Venichka | 04.10.08 - 11:02 a.m. | #

not based on an original by Harry Beck

Pedantic of Purley | 04.10.08 - 11:10 a.m. | #

Arsenal: you should be in Woolwich

Johnny Topaz | 04.10.08 - 11:14 a.m. | #

Northfields: Useless train indicators tell you that an eastbound or westbound train is approaching, a minute before it does (and you can the train by this time anyway).

agr8one | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 11:30 a.m. | #

Aldwych: Closed from autumn 1994 due to ancient lifts we cannot afford to upgrade
Charing Cross: Don't change here for the Jubilee line
Cockfosters: Please try not to snigger
Covent Garden: Take your pick: 193 steep steps or a lift overloaded with tourists
Finsbury Park: It takes forever to get to Seven Sisters from here
Oxford Circus: No, you won't see a big top here
Tottenham Hale: Beware: overcrowded escalators full of IKEA shoppers
Wimbledon: Change here for Henman Hill or the remaining part of our once-extensive tram network

Andrewh | 04.10.08 - 11:44 a.m. | #

Agnos Grove:You will regularly have to wait here for another tube train because of signal failure and/or congestion. You will regularly be told to wait on the wrong platform.

Amused | 04.10.08 - 12:57 p.m. | #

Time on DLR indicators is special DLR time. 1min is not 60 seconds as measured by any other means. Length of the DLR minute expands and contracts with the predictability of Brownian motion.

Bina | 04.10.08 - 1:12 p.m. | #

I have two that I'd like to add to this. The first is:

London Bridge - please try not to inhale the lingering smell of urine.

The second is one for those, like me, who are somewhat disablified, either wheeling or somewhat wobbly on their legs. I suggest a true 'accessible tube map', with notes such as:

- Lift to ground level. If it's working.
- Christ, look at all those stairs.
- All staff disability equality trained to shake head and shrug.
- No, you can't get in here either.

An Unreliable Witness | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 2:09 p.m. | #

Grange Hill: No, the TV show was not actually recorded here.

geofftech | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 2:54 p.m. | #

Stockwell: best not to jump the ticket barrier.

onionbagblogger | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 3:20 p.m. | #

Northolt: Waiting room used by squirrels, please leave it to them.

CentralUser | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 5:38 p.m. | #

Changing at Edgware Road? Be aware: this station is very confusing.

Jag | Homepage | 04.10.08 - 9:51 p.m. | #

Circle line: Don't expect a weekend service

Paddington (circle & district): indicator boards useless until a train is due in 1 min

PG | 04.10.08 - 10:53 p.m. | #

Bal-ham, gateway to the South, change here for British Rail enabling you to travel further South (loads of stairs, tough if you have a buggy or wheel-chair).

Surrey Girl | 04.10.08 - 11:58 p.m. | #

Alperton - cross road outside station for 297 or 83 to Ealing Broadway, or turn left for 297 or 83 to Wembley High Road. Actually, just cross the road

Hangar Lane - do not attempt to negotiate the Gyratory underpasses whilst under the influence

Park Royal - That helpful looking platform sign by the stairs is there for heritage purposes only

Fulham Broadway - If you find yourself exiting away from the shopping centre, its matchday

BH | 05.10.08 - 12:25 a.m. | #

One for the Overground:.

Croxley Green:- Temporarily Closed. Snigger.

gdog | 05.10.08 - 6:17 a.m. | #

Parsons Green: Move along, nothing to see here.

Scaryduck | Homepage | 06.10.08 - 9:51 a.m. | #

Fulham Broadway: alight here for Chelsea
Putney Bridge: alight here for Fulham
Wimbledon: alight here for Milton Keynes Dons. Eh? What? Oh.

Wayne | 06.10.08 - 12:59 p.m. | #

Mile End: Station under construction. Preserved as heritage site in memory of Metronet.

Jon | 06.10.08 - 4:10 p.m. | #

DLR Lewisham branch - closed at weekends. Don't worry, we'll close the Jubilee too.

Simon | 06.10.08 - 11:04 p.m. | #

Wood Green: Trains will stop here and occasionally turf everyone out to turn around whereupon passengers should all wait on the platform and cram onto the following train

and

Finsbury Park: "Krapy Rub Snif" backwards.

James Cridland | Homepage | 10.10.08 - 1:31 a.m. | #

King's Cross St Pancras: Move along the platform. I said: MOVE ALONG THE PLATFORM. Mooove! Why are you standing at the platform entrance with ten suitcases? Do you relish the suffering of others?

Katy M | Homepage | 10.10.08 - 12:02 p.m. | #











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