please empty your brain below
Have you emailed Adrienne with a link to this blog as I can’t imagine she has ever read it before

dg writes: She's read it. She told me so.

In fact before the new rules come in you could email it to all the marketing types who have ever contacted you and asking if they wish to remain on your distribution list

None | 16.05.18 - 7:16 a.m. | #

I enjoy your dissection of these marketing emails, but there's always part of me that wonders whether it's actually a pretty good result for the marketeer. Googling a few of the choicer phrases in the press release sadly confirms that this is a real thing that I would otherwise have been blissfully unaware of.

Eric | 16.05.18 - 7:17 a.m. | #

Urban micro-transport the Emirates Air Line is a re-edit of a centuries old tradition of moving Londoners around under the surface of the earth. It offers a flight of infused artisinal cable cars which rounds out, cuts through and balances the River Thames. Every day literally hundreds of foraged and best of season passengers...

Wolf | 16.05.18 - 7:28 a.m. | #

I have long followed our local theatre on social media. I welcomed their updates and reminders; then recently whomever is responsible for the feed started writing that "Tix are available for.." etc.

I have un-followed their feed.

Frank F | 16.05.18 - 7:29 a.m. | #

I feel a little sorry for the struggling pop up restaurant owner whose only sin is to confuse marketing with bullish*t bingo!

100andthirty | 16.05.18 - 7:33 a.m. | #

Tks 4 deets. Rgds, A

Andrew | 16.05.18 - 7:39 a.m. | #

Dismayed that no aspect of this vodka venture appears to be "iconic" or "stunning".

Waterhouse | 16.05.18 - 7:49 a.m. | #

Those terms in that table sound like they could be an entire prog rock album.

Charlie | 16.05.18 - 7:50 a.m. | #

A Drain's e-mail may indeed be an attempt to target a particular audience but just demonstrates the writer's arrogance....a too common attribute in the 'entitled class'. I too have unfollowed feeds where one such has been employed. I hope their employers are making the right assumptions about these losses - I fear for the future of some if they are so determined to alienate their established patrons.

B | 16.05.18 - 7:56 a.m. | #

If your blog was posted at 0700 and Adrienne had read it, told you she had read it, and there was time for you to reply to an email at 0716, she must have had no other thought on this Wednesday morning than "I wonder if DG will blog about my event!". What exciting lives some people do lead.

dg writes: You've confused the word 'blog' with the word 'post'

RayL | 16.05.18 - 8:04 a.m. | #

Maybe the reference to Michelin is the make of tyres on the van that the pop up uses.

Peter Watmore | 16.05.18 - 8:17 a.m. | #

Alas, I suspect the event will gain some custom resulting from this post

dg writes: I can guarantee it won't.

kev | 16.05.18 - 8:27 a.m. | #

Adrienne has a 2.1 in Marketing from the University of Steeple Bumpstead. She spends long dark nights of the soul wondering whether it was worth the £27,000 and whether her parents are as proud of her as they say.
We can only hope.

David | 16.05.18 - 8:42 a.m. | #

Triumphant moment looking at the bingo card when I thought 'I know what that really means'. For 'rounds out, cuts through and balances', I would simply say "takes the taste away". I look forward to the day when I have the presence of mind having had a mouthful of something horrid, to ask for something to round out, cut through and balance that taste.
And as for that unique yeast, I am sure there is something a pharmacist would recommend to rub on it.

Brightside | 16.05.18 - 8:42 a.m. | #

I had thought that I was fairly immune to nonsense marketing-speak. But I still had to cringe a bit. Something small inside my head went *snap* at "collab".

Chz | 16.05.18 - 9:17 a.m. | #

I'm a bit sick of gin, though.

Greg S | 16.05.18 - 9:36 a.m. | #

I actually feel sorry for someone who has to produce crap like this for a living. I particularly like the phrase on the Bingo card: 'a menu that both pairs and prepares'. Whatever does this tosh mean?

Cynical oldie | 16.05.18 - 9:43 a.m. | #

@Kev - The event will defo gain my custom because of this post.

@DG - Tnx 4 the suggest!! Gr8 idea 4 for weekend.

Fan of vodka | 16.05.18 - 9:44 a.m. | #

At a quick glance I read row 2, column 2 as 'hand-throttled'. Was my subconscious thinking about what to do to marketeers?

RogerB | 16.05.18 - 9:46 a.m. | #

Michelin level -> perhaps they use Michelin tyres. ;-)

MK | 16.05.18 - 10:27 a.m. | #

Voddies with food? Nah, not for me. Sick of gin? Never. When a person tires of gin, they are tired of life.

Andrew | Homepage | 16.05.18 - 10:45 a.m. | #

Been sick from gin but not sick of it.

The only thing to eat with vodka is caviar.

David | 16.05.18 - 11:15 a.m. | #

A Secret Cheese event? Is that where a bunch of people go into a lift, someone cuts the cheese in secret, and the rest try to guess who it was?

straphan | 16.05.18 - 11:33 a.m. | #

I will never be sick of gin.

Jonathan Wadman | 16.05.18 - 12:12 p.m. | #

I always wondered what the collective noun for infused artisanal vodkas was; thank you for informing me.

Isambard | 16.05.18 - 1:24 p.m. | #

Just received from Marie...

Hi Diamond Geezer,

My name is Marie, I’m part of the <start-up> app, and we have some exciting news for London!

<blah blah>

As you’re an expert on London activities, feel free to share the excitement on your blog, website, social media or anywhere else.

Have an amazing day!

PS: email us if you have any questions, concerns, ideas, or just want to say Hi! 😉

It takes a special kind of PR wizard to send me one of these on a "ripping the piss out of marketingfolk" day.

diamond geezer | Homepage | 16.05.18 - 4:53 p.m. | #

The thing that offends me most is "Michelin level". There are a lot of very good restaurants that are not deemed good enough to be Michelin starred - I would be gobsmacked if a pop-up restaurant with a vodka theme was better than all of those.

Messiah | 16.05.18 - 5:47 p.m. | #

Talking of speculative emails: have you formally applied for Wenger’s job yet?

Jimmy | 16.05.18 - 7:34 p.m. | #

The sad thing is - she probably takes herself totally seriously and believes she's doing an amazing job; how sad...

Or as she'd write:
Sad thing, probs takes self totes serious and thinks she's amazeballs at said vocation; sad...

Darren | 16.05.18 - 8:00 p.m. | #

'Hand bottled'- old school tradition usually ending wth a visit to A&E.

John DLC | 16.05.18 - 9:05 p.m. | #

Adrienne hopes this latest unpaid internship results in a job before Daddy's patience and willingness to fund her London lifestyle snaps, and she's forced to actually work for a living - whilst being awfully well spoken and apparently quite articulate, she's actually a bit dim. Her career goal however, remains to be married to some chinless wonder she met at a hunt ball by her late twenties.

Tim | 17.05.18 - 3:06 p.m. | #











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