please empty your brain below
Don't worry, you're not alone.

My bluffing abilities have started to improve since I began working for a sports broadcaster, though.

martin | 03.09.13 - 7:27 a.m. | #

If you have got half a mind to like sport - then that's all you need.

Nick | 03.09.13 - 7:32 a.m. | #

And that makes three of us with no sport empathy! If just a few more are prepared to reveal themselves we'll have enough for two teams and then we can play a match against each other and . . . . err . . . . hang on . . . .umm . . . something wrong here . . .

RayL | 03.09.13 - 7:39 a.m. | #

I take no interest in sport apart from a little interest in cricket. mainly because cricket seems to attract interesting characters and is full of statistics.
Having traveled around a lot in the past I have found that most of the world seems football mad, and assume that if your are from London you follow and know about the London clubs. I must have disappointed many a foreigner with my total lack of interest and knowledge.

One unfortunate time for me was in 1966 and I had gone to Capri,I missed the ship back to Naples and had to get a smaller boat back to the Italian mainland. I was the only UK person on the boat and was in a small space surrounded by football mad Italians listening to the world cup final. Which England won. They seemed to expect me to be exited but I found it hard to show any enthusiasm and was pleased when the boat reached shore.

I spent some years in Egypt where football was "king" somehow the locals in Alexandria got me to try and play the game at the Alexandria Sporting club, I was no good so that soon ended. I also got into playing in Paris in a team of various nationality's but I was just as hopeless. They do not ask you again especially if you kick the ball to your opponents side!.
Now at least I am too old to play, and I do far less traveling now.

John | 03.09.13 - 8:12 a.m. | #

I'm with you DG. And it goes back a long way. I remember kids at school discussing football, knowing, or seeming to know, the name of every player in the league, together with a detailed bio and scathing critic of last performance. They might have been speaking Inuit, for all it meant to me.

I knew even then that I could never catch up, wouldn't even know where to start and couldn't really be bothered. I think with sport addiction you've got to start very very young.

Dan | 03.09.13 - 8:23 a.m. | #

The number of times that I have to claim that I'm "from the North" and we played "Rugby Union not Association Football" so I don't have to get involved in mind numbing soccer conversations.

The useful factoid that Mike Tindall (married to mini-Royal Zara Phillips) went to my school is usually enough proof to close down any discussion.

The fact that I'm as interested in watching or talking about Rugby as I am ... embroidery is moot.

Briantist | Homepage | 03.09.13 - 8:24 a.m. | #

No sport empathy ? Surprising, given your many visits to the Olympics and Paralympics last year. I enjoy watching sport, but the 'thrill' of 'being there' passes me by !

dg writes: If you go back and read those Olympic posts again, you'll probably notice my general lack of interest in who actually won. No sport empathy.

Paul | 03.09.13 - 8:30 a.m. | #

I too am a little surprised at your statement about lack of passion for sport in general, given your coverage of and enthusiasm for the Olympics, although perhaps like me you are just as interested in the logistics and organisation as the sport itself.

I too tend to avoid discussion of football although when asked express a vague support for Arsenal (s I live in North London), Southampton (where I'm from) AND Portsmouth (cos I like tha place and Mum wasp regnant with me while living there) (yes, I'm not ment to like both, by the way).

However, in the words of a brilliant sign on a work colleague's desk, "I don't speak Football".

Mitchell and Webb did a brilliant radio sketch about football fans' use of the first person plural to express belonging - "we thrashed you in the league" etc. There's also another scorcher of a sketch monologue by David Mitchell on his own as a radio presenter getting increasingly manic describing all the football coverage on the radio - it ends something like ffootball being played "for ever" and nobody ever knowing "who won the football".

Sympathies!

Stephen | 03.09.13 - 8:53 a.m. | #

Actually, though, I do enjoy watching the odd game and have been to a few live matches too. Just don't ask me to talk about football every morning!

Stephen | 03.09.13 - 8:54 a.m. | #

Stephen: that David Mitchell 'advert' made it onto their TV series too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM

martin | 03.09.13 - 8:57 a.m. | #

Have you read 'The Tin Men' by Michel Frayn ?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tin_Men

Lovely descriptions of security officer Nunn, and how to get by with just a few sporting phrases.

And there are excellent tips in 'The Theory and Practice of Gamesmanship', Potter, S

But I assume both out of print.


DownUnder | 03.09.13 - 9:01 a.m. | #

My support for West Ham sounds exactly the same as yours for Arsenal, except it started a little later, with the 1975 cup final, when my mum said 'You've got to support West Ham, that's where I'm from' (I later discovered that her parents were lifetime season ticket holders and she was brought up just up the road from Upton Park). So I have supported West Ham ever since, but without garnering the slightest bit of excitement or disappointment from their ups and downs.

Sarah | Homepage | 03.09.13 - 9:04 a.m. | #

I like sport; really like sport. The footy, rugby, cricket, the Olympics, tennis, (and now baseball too). It's great fun. But, at some point about 15 years ago, I learnt to let it go the moment the final whistle blows. And life is much better for that.

Chris | 03.09.13 - 9:06 a.m. | #

I love football, always have. I used to get very upset when my team lost but now I have the best of both worlds - it cheers me up whenever they win and now I can dismiss defeats as football is "only a game". Being a 40-something means it's OK to not care quite as much anymore...

THC | 03.09.13 - 9:09 a.m. | #

With you on this one, DG. I kinda follow who the local team is playing, and where, mainly cos the local fans stream past our house for home games. Otherwise . . .

Mind you, show jumping is something else.

Bronchitikat | 03.09.13 - 9:14 a.m. | #

I've always wondered why 'sport' gets so much coverage in 'news' papers/sources as I don't regard 'sport' of any kind as 'news'. "So bleedin what" is my usual thought to x wins timed tussle on patch of flat grass against y who beat x by pushing a ball in a particular place one more time than them the last time.

B | 03.09.13 - 9:43 a.m. | #

Arsenal hardly outclassed Spurs - but they did outscore them.

Other than that, I pretty much agree. I do love sport and I love football. I guess I get a bit stressed or apprehensive before/during derby day. But then I remember it's all a game and makes no difference in the scheme of things. I guess that's part of the allure - it's a never ending battle between sides (good/evil if you like) and there are plenty of arcs and subplots in the story. It's simultaneously the most important thing in the world AND completely irrelevant.

I could never be one of those people who get into fights about sport or get a sport-related tattoo or even cry because my team lost. But I guess the word "needs" those people in its own way.

Adam | 03.09.13 - 9:52 a.m. | #

You're not alone DG. I have no interest in sports with the small exception of some cycling and basketball (which I watched at the Olympics). I have no team affiliations at all which helps in avoiding the inevitable "tribal trap" when people know where you live or were born -
"oh, you *must* support "x" team",
"err, no",
"but you *must* support a team",
"no" followed by look of utter disbelief.

People gave up long ago trying to engage me in any sort of sport related conversation.

PC | 03.09.13 - 9:59 a.m. | #

I'm with you as well DG. Not in the slightest bit interested in sports of any kind (watching or playing!) and thankfully neither is Mr CornishCockney!
Don't get me started on the obscene amounts of money these people command though. It makes me feel utterly sick.

CornishCockney | 03.09.13 - 10:06 a.m. | #

I am basically excluded from conversations at work because I support Bayern Munich. Not that I have that much interest anyway, but my local team's Millwall, and who wants to support them?

Rotherhithe | 03.09.13 - 10:14 a.m. | #

The thing about Arsenal is they always try and walk it in.

Simon | 03.09.13 - 10:46 a.m. | #

Never mind sport empathy, what about brother empathy? In 7 (?) years of reading this blog, I don't remeber a single mention of "the brother". Where's he been hiding all these years? With you on sport-went to a Premier league match for the first time in years in April and couldn't understand the sheer irrational passion directed at opposition players,opposition fans and referee/linespeople (when making decisions against your team of course). Even the bovril at half-time wasn't very nice...

South London lad | 03.09.13 - 11:03 a.m. | #

Another one with you 100% DG!
The thing that I cannot understand is this business that if you support, say the Reds, you have to hate the Blues and vice versa. Why?

tony Martin | 03.09.13 - 11:51 a.m. | #

I seem to remember that many years ago someone related to me that a Greek football team won some match, and the manic commentator described it as, for Greece, "the greatest thing since Homer"...

It's surprising how many educated people are keen on football nowadays - I think it's partly because of colour TV. In the 50s and 60s and before, footballers, I think, wore long shorts and got all muddy on the churned up field, and it was on black and white TV. Now the grass remains green, the footballers clean, and it's all in wonderful colour, better suited to middle-class taste.

Top footballers are very talented but it's partly through animal cunning rather than intelligence.

Vivien Crew | 03.09.13 - 1:42 p.m. | #

I feel like an alien in my own country, because I hate sport with a blind, screaming passion. The closest I have come to an affinity is the anti-football league. At least the uk has got culture, unlike here, where the only ther option is yoghurt.

Antipodean | 03.09.13 - 2:19 p.m. | #

I like football and cricket, and have done since I was little, but have virtually no interest in other sports. Unlike you, DG, I actively disliked the Olympics because of the rampant jingoism and people pretending they'd always been keen on some obscure event just because a Brit had won it. So throughout the Olympics, I felt just like you must do in the football season.

Baldassaro | 03.09.13 - 4:25 p.m. | #

There's a strange sense of belonging when it comes to supporting a football (or any) team. Rather like being in a tribe. It is very hard to explain to those who don't get the feel. But, some people would think writing a blog is an odd thing to do. Thank goodness we are all different and don't need to explain away our obsessions.

Peter Lewis | 03.09.13 - 4:33 p.m. | #

I simply don't know how you even manage summon up the energy to check the results. I simply have no interest whatsoever in sport of any kind, although my dear old dad was a full-time West Ham supporter. The only way I would ever cheer for a team/fighter/player is if I had shares in it or him. Religion also leaves me cold, or more accurately downright antagonist.
I can't pass by those religious twats at Stratford station without giving them the benefit of my venom :-)

Alex McKenna | 03.09.13 - 5:47 p.m. | #

Why do people who do not like football(or sport in general) give the impression they think they deserve a medal?

IanB | 03.09.13 - 5:53 p.m. | #

This is my 50th year of going to the Arsenal. It's all my father's fault. He lived in Highbury before the war and started going in the early 1930's...when they won everything in sight. He took me to my first game v Blackburn Rovers in the 63-64 season.
I have lost a lot of the passion but still go. It's all about the money now, the football comes second, which is a pity.
My season ticket costs just over £1,000 per season. When I think how much money I could have saved over the years...

Bernie | 03.09.13 - 6:39 p.m. | #

I don't have it either. I used to. Had it for many years but it's gone now.

I think it started to disappear when my club changed from being a local institution, where local lads got trials and, if extremely lucky (as well as good), they might even get a game, to one in which the playing staff consists of foreign mercenaries who'll be here for a year or so before flitting off elsewhere.

Then the club got taken over by foreigners who are more interested in TV and commercial revenues, plus shirt sales in China, than in nourishing any sort of connection with the community.

I now find it totally mystifying that fans can still get excited about matches which often more resemble a contest between Nigeria and Senegal than a game involving two English clubs.

There's simply no love anymore.

Dan Dare | 03.09.13 - 9:38 p.m. | #

I love sport and all my oldest friends are people I've shared that love with. On the other hand, people always surprised when I say I have no interest in music or films and don't even pretend to fake an interest. And as for technology; I was laughed at in primary school for not being able to join in a conversation about cars and nothing much has changed since.

Whiff | 04.09.13 - 8:39 a.m. | #

On Saturdays and Mondays, after picking up The Guardian from the doormat, the first thing I do is to throw away the sports section.

jack hopkins | 04.09.13 - 12:40 p.m. | #

Some of these comments are somewhat reminiscent of <http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-constantly-mentioning-he-doesnt-own-a-tel,429/>, I have to say...

Larry Lard | 04.09.13 - 2:35 p.m. | #

I can enjoy watching most sports. I understand enough about the major games to not have to feign interest or ask silly questions, but... who cares? If it's a nice day out with pals, or around the electronic hearth with some brews, fine. But, does any of it matter? I think not.

For the most part, it's circular. The rabid fans will pay the exorbitant prices that pay the talented few those incomprehensible salaries. Fine - you pay for your fun.

But it does upset me when "real" news (Syria, HS2, etc.) or even the weather forecast (which will affect many people's lives) gets sidelined by sports hysteria.

And "sports journalism"? It's the antithesis of journalism, for the most part.

SteveP | 11.09.13 - 11:05 p.m. | #











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