please empty your brain below

A copy of this has been printed out and stuck up inside the staff 'booth' for everyione to see at Hillingdon tube station for at least 3 years now as my photo of it is from 2015, and I've been wondering where to source one from.
Demented/deformed snakes? What about Blackfriars/Waterloo/Charing Cross? Positively orgiastic.

Also points up the seven Out of Station interchanges on the Barking-Gospel Oak line. Is this a record? (ducks).
but "Queens Purple Tunnel" is making me laugh far too hard for this early in the morning ... 😂
As an out of London resident, this leaves me cold! If I have understood correctly pink Oyster readers are there to ensure passengers are charged correctly for certain journeys in particular relating to whether z1 has been passed through. OK, understood. Why then should Gunnersbury have one and not Kew Gardens? To this simple soul, these 2 stations bear the same relationship to the full network. Perhaps DG one day you might write the fool's guide to London travel. God knows how tourists without English as a first language get on.
I managed to FOI my way into this map over two years ago:

The people at TfL didn't have any idea what I was talking about, because all I'd seen was it stuck on the wall so I didn't explain it very well. Luckily, someone noticed me and commented, so I was able to get this from them. Been up since March 2016.
Hmmmmmmmm. DG, just a hunch, do you not like "hipsters" (I understand that's what young folk are called these days) and their associated marketing prose?
The OSI between Euston Square and Warren Street is missing.
And who doesn't love a tram, right? Our secret map has a hand-curated special section just for all you tram lovers!
Is there a good reason why Ealing Broadway to North Acton is a blue line rather than a green line? Another error or is this part of the Central line subject to different fares?

Hey Bernard
That's brilliant.
We'll pretend we noticed that.
bests, Ed

Well, yeah, but can you just make it, like, "Pop"?
It has tube-only OSIs, but as it has mainline services from Paddington&Marylebone, Euston&KingStP it should have the OSIs between them?

I look forward to the fan edits, with fixes and the purple line.
And still no bus map.
@Bernard Nope.
I always thought it was 'out of station interchange' rather than 'outer station interchange'.
Queensway to Bayswater is pretty pointless as an OSI. Although they are very close together it is quicker and easier to spend an extra minute on each train to Notting Hill Gate.
Did they forget to colour the Waterloo & City Line?
Oh the perils of FOI (not DG's fault I hasten to add; see Monday). Something that was never intended for public use gets dragged out and people inevitably then complain that it's not suitable for public use...
@Ralph: the problem is that this map is given to TfL staff, some of whom may not know of these errors, and as a result they may end up giving passengers wrong advice based on the map.

For example, if a passenger wanted to go to Swanley and asked the staff how they'd be able to do that, the staff would see that the station isn't in the TfL fare zone and would tell the passenger that the journey isn't possible using oyster.
Sure someone had a lot of fun doing those OSI squiggles!
@J - The pink readers are at places you might change trains on an orbital route - such as Gunnersbury if travelling via Turnham Green and South Acton. But would never need to change trains at Kew Gardens.

The river zones are a bit misleading, as Oyster is not accepted on any boat services downstream of Woolwich or upstream of Putney.
@J, @timbo again

In fact, to change between northbound and southbound trains at Kew Gardens requires touching out, heading through a subway/over a bridge and touching back in on the other side... so you should never ever change trains there!
I don't know how to translate the following into deck speak, but the map seems to have the Central Line non-stopping at Tottenham Court Road, which gives it something of a 2015 vibe.
In the map on the link I assume "Speacial PAYG rate apply" means Special.... then is it "rates apply" or "rate applies"?
Spelling mistakes should be spotted before printing.

dg writes: The post should be read before pointing out spelling mistakes.
The usual gripe about the preponderance of blue/green north of the river (lower fares subsidised by the GLA precept paid by all Londoners), and red south of the river (higher fares so the TOC shareholders get their pound of flesh)

We do have some nice trams though
@Timbo again, thank you, I see the point. My elderly eyesight had failed to spot the junction to Turnham Green and that someone from that direction might choose to save money, but certainly not time, by going round on a circuitous route.
The Dangleway gets its very own colour scheme but with no explanation in the key (though easy to mistake for "PAYG not valid")
Has anyone else noticed that the Tower Gateway branch of the DLR is the wrong colour.

To be fair, the W&C is fairly easy to forget about...
Maybe TfL should send all its publications to DG's gestalt proofreading service?

The Thameslink route between Blackfriars and London Bridge is missing, although the newer one between St Pancras and Finsbury Park has been drawn in.

Are the handful of direct trains between Wandsworth Road and Battersea Park the only Overground services you pay TOC fares on?
How did you get hold of the version that doesn't show the bars within 500 metres of a station that sell a designer range of bespoke Londonium and Lundunwic gins? U woz robbed
Thrillbuds! Thirty comments and no one has picked up on thrillbuds. Brilliant. But also ugh.
I can honestly say that I haven't the faintest idea what fare I would be charged if I were to travel into London these days, what readers I have to tap on etc etc. It is all now far too complicated.

How on earth do tourists cope?

Bring back Red Ken's 'Fare's Fair'.
A brilliant post indeed. Entertaining and informative in equal measure. Thank you!
What is particularly astounding is that the 'speacial' misprint has been carried over from version 13 in January 2016 (and possibly before) through to version 18 in May 2018.

What chance version 19?
"social media pals" facebook page has just one "friend" on it: my doctor!
This is something I noticed earlier the moment I saw this map had become semi well known - but as Ralph Ayres says, it's for TfL internal use, not for the public to pedant over...

Besides, little unnoticed transport mapping/signage mistakes are possibly the most fun things to find - why would you deprive people of that by getting it *corrected*? There's a particularly excellent one over on the NCL which has been wrong for nearly 30 years...
Maybe the most minor error is that the Piccadilly stop at Turnham Green has the wrong color. Just the stop, not the line, and just the stop for that line, not for the District line.

This together with the wrong color for DLR to Tower Gateway (as X-Plaistow pointed out) makes me think the obvious, that the maps origin is one of the standard maps and someone has just changed colors and missed a few spots. However the missing Thameslink line between London Bridge and Blackfriars kind of says the opposite. Perhaps the source were a map where Thameslink didn't go that route (due to lengthy engineering works)?
Totes amazeballs. Henceforth to be known as the Rainbow Unicorn Map.
If TfL had ever persuaded Bridget Riley to design a Tube map, this is what it would looked like!
Sarah - DG's writing is generally so entertaining that thrillbuds just seemed normal!
Blue Witch -
Don't overthink it. Just touch in when you go into a station and out when you leave one, including if you have to walk between stations mid-journey (if it's gates you'll do it automatically). The only extra thing is that a few stations have pink readers for you to declare your route where one is cheaper; they should be easily noticeable if they apply to you so if you don't see one there's no need to go looking. If you walk past one, touch your card on it to keep your fare lower.
It's useful to know that if you are on Southeastern and fall off a train between Brixton and where the Atlantic lines join, you will only be charged at the TFL/NR rate.

Just caught up with this. First time I've seen it. The Dec 2019 version will be the interesting one!

While I completely take the point that this is a map for staff I do find it sad that it's clearly had the same set of errors / typos for the best part of 2-3 years. The Ticketing and Revenue team are typically good at responding to feedback and correcting any errors. This tells me that frontline staff (incl revenue inspectors!) either don't know enough about ticketing "basics" to spot errors or are so demotivated they simply can't be bothered to report them. Neither is a good thing.

Oh and "Queen's purple tunnel" has had me chuckling far too much.
Turnham Green is far from the only station with that error - look for example at Bermondsey, Haydons Road, about ten stations on the DLR or (rather more seriously, as the fares are actually different), the Forest Hill line.

Not at all sure why LU and LO have different colours anyway - the same fares apply on both.

dg writes: They have different colours because 'fares between red and blue' are different to 'fares between red and green'. See the key in the corner.
But Ralph - where else would I have to authorise a card payment in advance, without knowing how much it would cost me?
The OSI between Upper Warlingham and Whyteleafe South is wrong. It should be between Upper Warlingham and Whyteleafe.
As for the Queen's purple tunnel... it's the thought of when it "finally opens" that got me! I'd like to think this moniker might catch on.
Londonist ran it next Tuesday...

"The Secret Tube Map That's Only Meant For TfL Employees"
...and the Evening Standard ran it next Thursday.

"A secret London Underground map used exclusively by Tube workers has been uncovered."
there'll be a new one in December when the Queen's purple tunnel finally opens

Or not.......
So far, Londonist have tweeted "Someone found TfL's secret colourful tube map via an FOI" three times (Aug 29, Sep 1, Sep 5).
...and Sep 8.
...and Sep 11.
There is a bigger error with this doesn't show the peak fare discount that exists between selected stations that straddle zone 2 and zone 1 but are close together. For example st john's wood to baker street which is charged as zone 1 peak in peak (currently £2.40 PAYG) rather than Zone 2-1 peak (£2.90). There are around 50 station pairs where this unpublicised discount applies (I have been working on a list by querying the tfl fare finder for likely pairings, but may do FOI for an official list and criteria, and will also check zonal train pairings as well).

dg writes: We covered that in July.
Somebody already did the FOI request.

...and Oct 8.
To prove the point, this colourful tube map provided Londonist with their 3rd-most-viewed article of 2018.
Londonist, 25th January 2019:

"This map was available on a strictly on a need-to-know basis, having been locked away in TfL top secret map cabinet (or so we imagine), until a Freedom of Information request brought it into the public eye. Wondering what all those zany colours mean?"
...and Feb 27.
...and Apr 14.
...and May 31.

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