please empty your brain below

I don't suppose you work at a well known financial institution?
Heart hoping for MI5, head says more like Wernham Hogg.

Regardless, a great morning read as ever DG.
Reggie Perrin moment approaching?!?
Last day for me today! After a decade and more at the same place. Wonder what the next job will be...
Why doesn't someone raise that blind again? Or are you all strapped in your chairs? 😉
So much of this is recognisable - though my new job seems to differ on three counts:

1) there's not much office chit chat. I miss it. :-(

2) We don't have landlines, so your point about it hardly ever ringing has been taken to heart by my current employer. Without a phone I've got a bit more desk space, which is great, and there are a few little rooms dotted around the building fitted with one if you need to make a phone call. (The office is too quiet to use one at your desk anyway, it would be excruciating!) Instead we communicate by email, instant messenger, and video conference - and we have many rooms for those, you wouldn't do one of those at your desk either. It's an odd place - good and bad.

3) I've got a bin! It appeared about three weeks ago. I can't figure the rationale, a few have them and most don't. I feel too guilty to use it, having been brainwashed over many recent years into putting everything in the communal bins/recycling bins. I'm not sure whether having a bin is the equivalent of a window/corner office (in which case I've clearly made it), or maybe it's just because everyone noticed how much yoghurt I eat / how many cans of pop I drink, and thought they'd save me the constant walks...
Get out of the rat race.
I work overseas and most of my job is not office-based but even so this all sounds horribly familiar!
The bit about doing the Crystal Maze is accurate, you really should it's great!
I read it as 'crystal meth'. Must be Friday.
Rejoice in it being a long weekend!
No doubt you've got lot planned to look forward to!!
Only 8 hours to go - assuming you're on a 9-5 contract.
Great post fella. Reminds me of Abba's The Day Before You Came, The DG version
This sums up why I gave up working back in 2005. I may not have much cash to spare but I have all the time in the world to try and live some kind of life in this rotten world
Great read, to get the full effect needs to be read whilst listening to Neil Tennant's deadpan delivery in the Pet Shop Boys' 'Left to my own devices'
An hour to get out of the house? If I'm pushing it, I can do it in fifteen minutes - though that does mean breakfast at my desk.
Watch the film Office Space.

It's amazing.
Thankfully I no longer have to endure any of that routine / nonsense (delete as applicable).
Been there, done that, got the T shirt.
Retired YIPEE, Free of it for 10 years.
Recognise your updated version and thank goodness I don't have to do this any more.
@martin Yes given how much DG manages to pack in I was surprised at the 1 hour bit. I can do it in half an hour, including a shower and breakfast!
I work in the same office as 'DG', (Anne is not my real name).

I think I'm the only person in the office that knows he write this blog.
To "Anne" please give DG a huge pat on the back for me and probably all readers! You're privileged to know him!
Spirit-crushingly familiar scenario. BT perchance? Tomorrow I celebrate the 365th day without a mind-numbing routine. I fear my family are in a less celebratory mood!
I am so glad I work on a building site
what happened to the colleague who greeted you every morning with "how are you" or something similar
At least you have a fixed desk and computer. Since we moved office it's been 'agile working' - no fixed seat just sit wherever you can with a laptop.
Ah.. my old nemesis the toilet air freshener, Sword of Damocles hanging over the eternal dance of social anxiety, mystery and horror that is the office bogs.
When someone suggested the xmas company bash in "Midtown" he groaned out loud. That's when I knew.
Anne: I hope you also had other clues. I am not sure about the groaning, but DG is certainly not the only person in the universe who considers "Midtown" to be a stupid, pretentious name.
At least you've got a Chicken Cottage near you. I recommend the one at Old Street. More joie De vivre?
This might not be DG: "crowd into lift" ...surely he would use the stairs?!
Stairs? That depends how many, surely. Down is easy, but gets tedious. Going up, one or two floors is a no-brainer. Three or four is no problem. Five or six ok, but more, well ...
Been 'retired' four and a half years and do not miss any of that, not even the trade off of banter and the immunisation colleagues supplied against the awfulness of employment at its worst. Now, I'm busier than when I was paid to work, but it's by choice and I decide when the alarm goes on. Done wonders for my mental and physical health - if only I could have afforded to 'retire' ten years earlier...
So does DG know who Anne (not her real name) is?
Worked like that for many years and thought I loved it. Only after being retired for several months did I realize that there is a life, after all. I LOVE being free.

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