please empty your brain below

my mate Jase T9's to "lard" - which is appropriate cos he's a fat bastard

My Mother always signs off txts to my daughter as "Iran". Obvious, but then again, strangely amusing.

Me and of, If and he are the most annoying. And it insists on putting nun before mum. Why should nuns be so important to the phone?

I can see the plotline of a novel emerging from the list you offer.

Bus/Cup is one I get often.

Though I should have read your post properly, otherwise I would have kept that 3 letter word to myself. Blush - sorry.

If you type in coal you either get "cock" or "anal".

And my mate gained a nickname of "Jelly" (no prizes for guessing her name though)

Though you can add 'forage' to dosage/enrage/forbid

Also you can get Toured/Unused - which should also give you Toupee, although it doesn't on my phone.

I seem to get Wenger/Whinger ??

Not quite the same, but we have adopted Shiv into our slang terms.

My friend once text to tell us that he'd lost his pissport and sucksack, but it was New Years Eve in Sydney so that was probably more influenced by alcohol than T9.

Although it's only one letter different (and I did have to teach T9 one of the words) I constantly get Aunt instead of cu**. (I'll be good, for once, and self-censor that one)

Probably says more about my use of texts than anything else though.

Oh, and I find


is one that keeps happening.

I've also told someone "Dual Off", and that they were a "dualing idiot" on T9, again before teaching it about proper sweary words.

So Dual/F*ck can go in the list too

surely the most annoying is that at times 'ibm' comes before 'ian' and 'ham' this the corporate world that we live in?!

"My team played 3 hands today" Doh!

Oh, and why does the dictionary periodically (randomly?) forget words that I *know* I've already entered? Frisbee is a word I use often (that's the 'hand' my team plays) but I have to set it up every few months. And what can the suggested "episced" be leading to, I wonder...

Tongued/Vomited a personal favourite of mine.

My favourite is "gasping" and "Harringay" (newer phones have autocomplete, so don't need the word lengths to be the same).

Anna/Bomb is also excellent.

Footie = ennui, according to my old Nokia.

The ones that get me are those building a T9 bridge to nowhere.

For example, I used to be in a band with a guy called Darren. Whenever I mentioned his name in a text, it would come out as "Dappem". What is this going to spell? Are there any words in the English language that begin with those letters?

Actually, I've got access to the online OED here, hang on...

... nope. The OED just drops me between "dapocaginous" and "dapper".
Whatever that first word means.

Some years ago, my daughter texted me and mentioned she was going for a 'neck with Kavitha'. I was new to predictive texting then, and only much later I realised neck/meal. I'd assumed it was London talk for a chinwag.

If find 'Heather' comes out constantly as 'heavier'. Which can be embarressing if I forget to proofread.

I tried this predictive text thing only once, and gave up on the spot. I haven't a clue how or why it works, but then I am over 40. Am I alone?

Selected/Rejected has always been my fave. A friend of mine honestly thought he had been dropped from a sports team, when the captain txt'd him saying "You have been rejected for the final on sunday" ... Classic!

My friend anna comes out as bomb on the phone. Not a flattering comparison though it does define her impact on social occasions sometimes.

No Tina you are not alone!

My friend Pope is often 'rose'...

There's a joke in there somewhere about Popes by any other name smelling sweet, but I'm too tired to think of it!

My name turns into Logs, which isn't very flattering. My phone didn't know Claire (surely not that unusual) but offered me Blaire or Blairf. In fact it keeps offering these, I think Claire will just have to change her name. What on earth does Blairf mean anyway?

I'm just amusing myself thinking of the texts DG must have sent to come up with some of those combinations

Being a technical type: circuit comes out as biscuit.

This is why I don't use predictive text. My spelling is bad without this being put in my way.

steve / queue


My friend Clair always ends up signing texts Blair.

Ciaran, now universally known as Charco

Definitely varies between types of phone. My old Nokia was much more literate than my new Samsung. But that's a whole other story.

lazy often comes out as jazz which can work quite well.


My local Chinese takeaway - 'Doh Wah' appears as 'Dog Wag'!!!


A bit of an old spelling, but it made it into Henry IV, my Motorola and, I suppose, Google.

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