please empty your brain below
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“You may have noticed that I have not actually done this.”
Actual LOL.
drD | Homepage | 25.01.18 - 7:13 a.m. | #
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"My 'media kit' consists of a giant thumbs down emoji and a sarcastic Simpsons gif. I resisted sending it."
Oh, I think you should send this out more often.
Kirk | 25.01.18 - 7:25 a.m. | #
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👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 😂😂
Jo W | 25.01.18 - 7:29 a.m. | #
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Gosh, a media kit sounds exciting. Some raw material and instructions, enabling you to make your own newspaper?
Andrew | 25.01.18 - 7:52 a.m. | #
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"reaching out", as with "opens up" makes me gag...i.e. feel like a puke...everytime I come across them. I'd be quite happy with just raw data as to rebuffs issued to idiot social media trolls. They never have anything original to contribute word-wise.
b | 25.01.18 - 8:03 a.m. | #
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Whilst I have zero interest in the content of any of these pitches, which you splendidly ridicule, if these are real people not bots, they deserve our sympathy (pity?) as they are most likely unpaid or lowly-paid interns trying to meet impossible targets.
Frank F | 25.01.18 - 8:14 a.m. | #
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You didn't even pick up on the 'Geeza!' addressing
Greg S | 25.01.18 - 8:25 a.m. | #
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A social exclusion bakery? Wow they obviously want a bigger slice of the cake!
Richard | Homepage | 25.01.18 - 8:53 a.m. | #
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Some of those really are spectacularly wide of the mark!
whiff | 25.01.18 - 9:16 a.m. | #
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Meanwhile, the phone rings again, "Hi, I'm from BT Openreach. It seems that there are problems with your broadband....."
Oh no, you're not !
Why are there so many timewasters and sharks out there ?
petras409 | 25.01.18 - 9:35 a.m. | #
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There seems often to be one from Lizzie.
Maybe she works for some publicity agency that's got hold of your details. If so you might try contacting then and asking to be removed from their list.
Or you could ask her out on a date...
Joho | 25.01.18 - 9:36 a.m. | #
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I would have binned the first one after "reaching out". Other phrases equally rejectable:
"Touch base"
"Awesome"
"That's what I'm talking about"
"Have a nice day"
"Hi"
kev | 25.01.18 - 9:43 a.m. | #
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@Frank F
Have you clicked (or even hovered over) DG's "Email me" link? It's quite clear what not to send.
Jon Jones | 25.01.18 - 10:17 a.m. | #
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at least you get interesting spam, DG, all I get is viagra and spurious US tax rebates
Caz | 25.01.18 - 10:24 a.m. | #
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@Caz Same here! And, inexplicably, several a day about shark tanks!!
I can honestly say that of all the things I've ever felt the need for in my life, a shark tank has never popped up!
Cornish Cockney | 25.01.18 - 11:16 a.m. | #
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@Jon Jones.. yes, I know.
But yet I empathise with the folk working in online marketing. They are often graduates, and the daily activity, ridicule and rejection must surely dilute your soul.
Frank F | 25.01.18 - 12:01 p.m. | #
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Never forget that next time a desperate Tory rattles on about record numbers of people 'in work' than ever before, these are the kinds of 'work' being praised.
And just what kind of 'personal calendar app that makes it easier for you to create events with friends' would be an improvement over having a diary and a phone to hand.
There'll be even more of these numpties around once those Hackney Wick flats get finished.
pete c | 25.01.18 - 1:26 p.m. | #
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One thing to bear in mind is that marketeers are often targeted on approaches as well as engagements, so in a day, they may be required to contact 100 people and get 3 engagements. Therefore, they are going to ignore the comments about marketing email not wanted, because it doesn't matter to them if you don't reply, you are still contributing to their target.
Jimbo | 25.01.18 - 2:03 p.m. | #
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>>Only when I clicked on his Word attachment...
Err yes, that's not really a good idea...opening attached files sent to you by people you've never me...
Agent X | 25.01.18 - 2:04 p.m. | #
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You are doing this wrong. Next time you go on vacation, you’ll have to ask the hotel for free nights. After all you are an influencer, are you not?
Max | 25.01.18 - 3:38 p.m. | #
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I really do hope these people take the time to come back and see posts like this. I'm guessing you don't bother emailing them a link.
Al__S | 25.01.18 - 5:48 p.m. | #
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<Inadequate Website>
This made me snort a little too loudly as colleague nearby looked at me - i don't care I love your email deconstructions.
David Kirwin | 26.01.18 - 12:38 p.m. | #
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At least Samantha is contacting you regarding something you are interested in.
Does she get points for doing her research?
Anon | 26.01.18 - 5:57 p.m. | #
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