please empty your brain below

Dear DG

Your blog is so very good**. Please give me a free plug for my up and coming comedy night*. I enclose a 50 pence bit which I hope you will use wisely .

Yours etc.

*time / place tbc

Can I have the chocolate egg instead then please?

I, for the record, am susceptible to free stuff and brazen product whoring. Or free jeans. However, as I've previously stated, I have not received any sexual favours for my rare and occasional praise of something or someone.

And if Renault send me a new car by this afternoon, I might tone down the slating they're about to get.

call me naive, but what's to stop you taking the (eg) luxury chocolate easter egg and reviewing it in terms of "someone sent me a nice luxury chocolate easter egg, thanks for that". In other words, take the veiled advertising and use it at face value.

I too am susceptible to free stuff. However, as somebody who lives in life permantly in shorts, have never been to the cinema, New York, on the Wheel in London, or to much of London itself. I feel those offers are usless to me, so bravo DG for not only writing about what's in your heart, not your wallet. But also you managed to mention one of the websites you had to plug - the one for the laptop - with out doing a "funny as Little Britain does Comic Relief" Mass Debate joke.

jason contacted me too - in fact lots of people do but i usually forget about them as Q usually takes one look at the email and tells me that it's a 'scam'.

i've no idea how you remember all the names though.

i just read that US-based magazine's comparison with london yesterday. it was crap, and thank you for not participating. i think their comparison would have gone better if they had actually bothered to visit london at some point.

but the sheer fact that new this city feels the need to keep reassuring itself that yes yes it IS the world's greatest city and london will never compare...well, it once again reminded me why i would much rather live in london.

The only offers I ever get are illegal/immoral/both.


I've taken to replying to these sorts of request (and requests to participate in 'research' into blogging) with a standard message detailing my hourly rate, and my T&Cs. I don't usually get bothered more than once

Immoral? Mmmmm.

I'll have free things, i have a great website.

Everyone who looks at my half finished unpolished website gets a free stained glass window*

*Offer only open to one eyed albino left handed midget truck drivers. (On acid)

On the other hand, I don't give a rat's arse for blogging artistic integrity. Give me the freebies, guys. FREEBIES.

Plz buy this Diamond Geezer Brand London Tube Map. It is teh excellence!

You have very strong morals DG. But I do wonder what you would do if TfL offered you free travel for a year?

BTW-I am a one eyed albino left handed midget truck driver, currently on acid for medical reasons.

Please may I have my free stain glassed window to celebrate the 2012 Olympics.

Nobody click on my link, as usual.

How has the Arial font thrived when it's so useless that click looks the same as dick? Right, I don't want anybody's dicks on my links.

I don't have any freebies to offer you, Diamond Geezer. I am writing the history of my garden which includes my watercolours too. So, nothing to buy, nothing to give away other than a look at my blog, and whether you care to or not, I will continue you look at yours, because I like it for several reasons.(1) It's funny. (2) It's informative. (3)It's about London which I love making trips to from my home in Scotland. (4) I like your photos of London too.

Can you believe that Tom has emailed me again this afternoon, with yet more overexcited blarney related to the bloody film he's promoting. He's running a special competition, apparently, with a crap prize which would appeal only to egotists who like buying DVDs of films they've already seen. I bet he's hoping I'll promote that too.

I mean, anyone would think that Tom wasn't really a regular reader of my blog at all, just a PR hack who's harvested a selection of 40 "influential" email addresses and then forgotten to hide them properly in his email.

Tom - if you're listening (which clearly you aren't) - please bugger off and leave me alone.

You could have made the first crack in the consumer dam.

But you're missing the chance to absolutely slate the review items you're sent, though. Think what fun that would be:

"A chocolate egg with all the flavour, consistency and fragrance of mouse droppings" ... "The scribblings of a dyslexic kindergardener on acid would be a better read" ... "The worst 90 minutes of my life" ... etc.

Uncle Hunty - are you really a stained glass man? If that is really your webiste, Free Witchy Tip (don't say there wasn't a positive spin-off to your free whoring ): Does the phrase "... spent many hours researching various styles and are confident that we can produce a design that exceeds your desires" need some work? (suggestion: 'exceeds your expectations')

None of those links seem to work ...

Agree with everything, but Jon Stewart is a god. The jeans offer had to be a joke. I mean, Brandywhore Jeans? I know his stuff probably doesn't play well in the U.K., because it is so U.S. politcally based, but his humour has a decidedly British satircal bend that you would appreciate. And he does love to lambast the U.S. political process.

No, none of those links work.

No, the jeans weren't really called Brandwhore Jeans (or indeed Brandywhore Jeans).

And no, I don't appreciate Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I've tried, but I remain unmoved.

Some people really don't get your twisted humour, do they, DG?

But come on Chig, isn't that the best part of it?

Oh I *like* freebies; it both makes me feel special and saves me money. Which are both good things in my eye as I am shallow.

But I will be honest about where the stuff comes from and I will be honest about what I write about it.

For example, a less than flattering 'Sunshine' review will be up shortly...

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