please empty your brain below
I hope you spat and blew your nose on her rucksack. Or actually, into the hood of the Persil white anorak would've been good.

Ruby | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 1:08 a.m. | #

Mmmmmm. ooooooh.

rickster | 01.03.06 - 1:08 a.m. | #

Take...A...Deep...Breath. And relax.

Chig | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 2:01 a.m. | #

Yes! Yes! Yes! No, I am not washing my hair. I'm appreciating that my sentiments from so many a tube ride have been so nicely expressed here -- in my experience it is usually at Notting Hill (District Line) where the cows encroach. I wouldn't have used the word 'bastard' though. I would have used a for letter word that starts with 'c'.

ellie | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 2:52 a.m. | #

This is exactly why we need national Tube/train etiquette classes; everyone has lost the ability to use the Tube properly (if they ever could). Personally, I just say things now, like "If you want to stand on the escalator, mate, you and your manbag go on the right."

And, hello? Sending a text at Mile End? At least wait until you get a decent signal!

chloe | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 5:30 a.m. | #

In such close quarters, this scenario might be the perfect time to acquaint the bitch with the singular joy of the dirty sanchez.

phlegmfatale | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 6:31 a.m. | #

oh baby.

stevie w | 01.03.06 - 8:09 a.m. | #

And...

This morning I only managed to get on board my District line train by ducking underneath the open newspapers being held by the two men standing either side of the doorway. I would have asked the Daily Mail reader to move his paper out of the way, but I got more satisfaction from seeing his embarrassed face once I emerged on the other side.

diamond geezer | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 8:28 a.m. | #

I'm picking up a lot of work stress vibes here...

However, it does amaze me how many people wearing a rucksack seem to have no spacial awareness whatsoever.

The worst type of commuter though, for me, is the displaced 'road rage' ones...those who use the crowded tube and crowded stations as an excuse to indulge their aggressive side and physically push through snapping at people in their way.

gwplf | 01.03.06 - 8:31 a.m. | #

She is a clone. These clones are distributed throughout the transport system - on the Liverpool Street main line they are used to block the gangways to stop people getting on. They are supplied complete with HigherFi in their ears and LowerFi in their brains so they can't hear the shouts of "move down the carriage, PLEASE"

Ham | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 8:41 a.m. | #

I feel it's my duty to introduce you to some Hebrew profanity. If you see "the cow" tonight, just mutter "Zonnah" under your breath. Repeatedly.

as | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 8:43 a.m. | #

But these people exist on all forms of transport (or, excuse the pun, in all walks of life).

On the roads they're the ones who enter yellow boxes when their exit isn't clear (so blocking the traffic), who won't let you out of a sideroad into a stream of traffic (so nearly driving up the back of the car in front, such is their determination not to let you squeeze in), who go onto a roundabout when traffic isn't flowing (so stopping traffic wanting to get off the roundabout at the next exit), who go through red lights (so nearly causing accidents), who go all the way to the cones when 3 lanes go into 2 (then barge in, without so much as a wave to say 'thanks') etc etc.

It's all part of the 'me, me, me, me-dia driven culture'.

It's called 'lack of manners'.

Something which, unfortuantely, is becoming more widespread in this country with every passing year.

The youth of today are generally more likely to swear at you than thank you. And who's to blame? The parents and the media. In equal amounts.

Old Blue Witch | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 9:36 a.m. | #

I had a similar problem with a man in a light coloured raincoat a few years back, oblivious to the fact that there was someone standing behind him practically defying gravity in an effort to hold onto the pole and not trip over his briefcase. I hope he got the lipstick out of that expensive looking coat OK...

Essexgirl | 01.03.06 - 9:52 a.m. | #

Not all the youth are more likely to swear at you than talk to you - those are just the ones you notice and remember.

The word cow is not an apt description as cows are nice animals, always inquisitive and interested in others.

Easy for me to be smug however, as my commute is a 4 mile bicycle ride along a rural riverside path in Norfolk. It was pretty sharp this morning, however, cold enough to make me cry, but not with emotion.

Phin | 01.03.06 - 9:56 a.m. | #

How glad am I that my commute usually involves walking downstairs to my desk?!

I admire anyone who can survive the madness of the tube every day

Mine is a Gin | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 10:06 a.m. | #

if i were u, i wud hv taken dat rucksack n smashed it on dat person's head.....great blog...

areeba | 01.03.06 - 11:05 a.m. | #

Could feel the awful claustrophobia of the rush hour underground. So glad I don't use it anymore.

I always went for the sharp kick in shins or elbow in any other available body part followed by dazzling smile and obviously insincere apology. Works like a charm.

Chairwoman of the bored | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 11:17 a.m. | #

I utilise the joy of WAGN on my journeys, which manages to alternate between unfeasibly busy and ridiculously quiet day by day, thus building upon my paranoia.
I therefore make myself get off at Finsbury Park and walk to Holloway Road, which eases much tension - I can recommend a morning consitutional.

Simon | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 11:38 a.m. | #

You need to go out more, dg. Relieve some of that pent-up frustration.

Oh, and you need to carry a big stick when travelling on the tube and learn to use it judiciously.

Dave | 01.03.06 - 11:45 a.m. | #

Couldn't you have asked her to make some space, or just pushed her rucksack out of the way?

Anonymous | 01.03.06 - 11:50 a.m. | #

You cheered me up, I just thought it was me.....

There seems to be a certain type of person, so self centered or maybe just bloody selfish, who wanders through life thinking that they are so important, the world revolves around them.

You know the sort, almost nocks you down on a zebra crossing: "Havent got time to stop, I NEED to get to work"

Almost crashes car while chatting on the phone,"I'm so important I NEED to make these calls." But so stupid your unable/unwilling to use a hands fee kit? Then swears at you for being there etc....

If you see her there again, maybe you should give her a shove as the train comes into the station? So this means that you are going to be late to your destination, BUT, the world will be a better place.....

David | 01.03.06 - 12:01 p.m. | #

I moved to London a few months ago, and I am amazed at how many Londoners seem to have no idea of Tube ettiquete. It's kind of obvious that you should move away from the doors when you get on, and let tiny people hold the poles rather than making them stretch to the handrails above.
I guess the only thing to improve the situation would be to shame the perpetrators. Or maybe some sort of one-the-spot fine.

Amber | 01.03.06 - 12:42 p.m. | #

It is staggering how lacking in awareness of others some people can be.

Rucksacks should be forbidden I think. People put them on and then somehow forget to register the extended space the are taking up.

And the next person who opens up a newspaper across my face will find it burning.

Rob | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 1:05 p.m. | #

Yes a lot of people lack spacial awareness and are self-centred.

Equally, if you are THAT stressed then bottling up MORE rage isn't going to help.

A polite, loud, firm "Excuse me" would've done the trick possibly. And if she did turn out to be one of those "young sweary types" (stereotypes from the 'old curdmudgeons' eh?!) then I always find a smile and a word of thanks helps because, in the midst of their tirade, they usually DO move.

But then I do love pretending to be the calm smug one.

OK, I'll fess up. I'd have 'accidentally' stumbled into her, possibly with an open cup of coffee in my head... ooopsy

Gordon | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 1:43 p.m. | #

it's a cruel city. i carry a safety pin in my coat pocket. i open it out while it's still inside my pocket. then, when i need to get out of the sardine can at my station, i push past the offending commuter and prick him/her in the leg. they never know who it is in the scrum to get off and then i'm away in the throng on the platform. no one has chased me but if they did the safety pin is easily discarded and ignorance feigned. and yes, i do know that this behaviour is just as bad mannered as the behaviour that spawned it but i don't give a fuck. it makes me happy to see selfish commuters suffer. generally though, i find most commuters to be sensible and considerate. i actually go backwards one stop on the Victoria line every morning in order to secure a seat on the journey into town. this takes an extra 10 mins but is well worth it. the safety pin is generally only needed on the return journey.

and no, i have never disinfected the safety pin.

dave | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 2:19 p.m. | #

The art of queuing for a bus had all bus stopped (in the less nice parts on North-East London anyway). If you happen to be near where the bus opens its doors there’s an unlimited amount of annoying people, pushing you and/or, trying to get in front of you. When they push, I stop, perhaps even take a pace back, see how they like it. They're lucky I've not 'gone postal' yet. Yet if I were to kill them all in a satisfying but horrific bloodbath, *I* would be called the criminal

Electric eskimo | 01.03.06 - 3:39 p.m. | #

Daily commuting is all-out war. If you expect people to be courteous in your morning commute, you're slowly but surely losing this war.

I moved to San Francisco from Austin and, due to my own naive nature, I was actually shocked the first few months by peoples' sheer lack of basic courtesy. I'd been shoved, kicked, banged in the head with backpacks, purses, sachels, you name it. And, of course, everyone plays the "Oh, I was on my IPod so obviously I couldn't possibly notice that you were there."

Then, I dediced to 'go with the flow', or in other words, become a Commuter Warrior. If someone's in my way, they soon will not be. I don't say 'excuse me' and I don't ask for permission, I TAKE WHAT'S MINE. Now, you may say, "Well, now you're no better than any of those other jerk commuters." And, you know what? You'd be right. But you know what else? I no longer get to work or come home angry every day because of some 'idiot' who obviously had no intention of making room for the rest of the world. I'm now winning the war, and it feels pretty good.

KC | 01.03.06 - 4:40 p.m. | #

People with good manners must never ever spit on other people, talk with their mouth full, gulp their food down with wine or call women cows. Little hefer is okay.

Tracy | 01.03.06 - 4:44 p.m. | #

Should have picked her pocket.

Matt | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 6:30 p.m. | #

I just wonder how many nano-seconds that woman and her backpack would've survived on a New York city subway.

David Crawford | 01.03.06 - 8:30 p.m. | #

I have an assortment of ready printed self adhesive labels I carry for just that event.

Imagine her suprise when finding her ruckack was sporting a large red "I'm a c***" badge.

A few labels from work, 15 mins on the P.C and an instant solution !

Invicta | 01.03.06 - 8:47 p.m. | #

Good stuff my friend! Good stuff!

Hamburger | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 9:22 p.m. | #

Oh that was you?!?!? I thought felt a gentle cushion supporting the weight of my backpack..(hah)

Uh yeah, same thing happens here in Vancouver. We have a train that takes people from Downtown to the 'burbs and it's packed nightly and space is a premium. I always queue up nicely waiting exactly where the doors will open and every single time someone tries to sweep in from the side and squeeze themselves on first.

I have to admit too, when I have someone with a bag or pack which is bumping or poking into me whilst I stand I use the rocking motion of the train as a scapegoat and fall into them with a good shove. It's good therapy.

Beezzez | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 10:13 p.m. | #

I'm a bit worried by the non-disinfecting safety pin guy. I hope that was a joke. I don't think potentially lethal blood-bourne diseases are a just punishment, much as I hate impolite commuters.

She | 01.03.06 - 10:15 p.m. | #

hey dave, i carry syringes mate :o)

jason | 01.03.06 - 10:27 p.m. | #

syringes are good too. but not so good when your pants 'pop' after a big lunch.

dave | Homepage | 01.03.06 - 10:58 p.m. | #

You're whinging AGAIN?

Andy | 02.03.06 - 2:21 a.m. | #

Repressing these sentiments can be very damaging. It might be best to consider taking up a violent sport or hobby to get rid of your aggression. Also is a great way to meet people...sure beats public transit!

Dr. Phil | Homepage | 02.03.06 - 3:08 a.m. | #

I had a situation a few weeks back at Stockwell - the MileEnd of SW9. I, along with many others, had waited quite a while for a Northern Line train, and the second one was some minutes yet. Unsurprisingly, when one arrived it was pretty crowded. I got on, but I was in the position of being 'last on' with people waiitng on the platform behind me. There was a woman blocking anyone who wanted to move down, soI asked her to move down. She sneered openly at me so I said, if she moved down, the people on th eplatform could get on. Utter superciliously, she said "I get off in two stops". "So do I" I said, "please let me through".

Grudgingly, she let me through and I stood freely in between the seats. A bloke stood up and invited me to have his seat. Embarrassed, I declined, but he insisted, and I realised that other people were smiling in an encouraging way.

Gert | Homepage | 02.03.06 - 2:48 p.m. | #

I would have put my hand on her shoulder, smiled apologetically, and said in a calm, clear, impeccably polite voice: "Excuse me, but would you mind moving forwards a bit please? I'm afraid that your rucksack is squeezing me in a bit tightly."

mike | Homepage | 02.03.06 - 3:19 p.m. | #

I can't go along with BW's explanation of it being young people. I would say that the vast majority of thoughtless/rude incidents that actually have a material effect on my existence are caused by people of my age and older. I would also say the same of rude personal remarks. Most of the anti-social loudness and general rude "eff you" type remarks are from people younger than me.

Most youngsters grow out of that - I certainly did (well, almost...!) - but rudeness and thoughtlessness that impacts actively on others is a character trait that, if anything, becomes more marked with age.

All IMNSHO, of course...

Gert | Homepage | 02.03.06 - 4:45 p.m. | #

It just goes to show that commuting is an unatural act, modern life is rubish and most people are basicly self obsesed, idoidtic bastards.

Judas Penrose | Homepage | 02.03.06 - 5:47 p.m. | #

I used to expect a certain degree of politeness when I travelled around London, but Tokyo has changed me. Everyone here pushes – you have to, no chance of getting on to the train if you don’t. The people by the doors grip the doorframes and use them as leverage to push back into the people behind. If you have your arm up as you get into the train you will not be able to get it down again until the train reaches a station. Apologies and polite “excuse mes” are pointless -- this is simply how it is during rush hour.

Tokyo Girl | Homepage | 03.03.06 - 2:21 a.m. | #

You know...we have a wonderful word for people like this here in the states...we call them 'Oblivions'.

The phrase was coined by a Fox News correspondant (Mike Straka, I believe). If you get the chance to read his articles, I highly recommend it.

As we all know, there are many different species of the genus 'oblivion' out there...'left-lane (or right-lane I suppose for ya'll) oblivions','theater oblivions', etc etc etc. I guess this girl was of the species 'tube oblivion'.

Belly Dancer | Homepage | 03.03.06 - 8:46 p.m. | #











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