please empty your brain below
*wonders about the correct usage of thyself, thee, thou and thy*

And, given the period, would oysters work instead of oyster cards at The Magic Ticket Gates?

Blue Witch | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 8:10 a.m. | #

Shame on you DG

No clickety links to escalator trivia such as Bumper Harris the wooden legged Edwardian escalator tester at the first ever escatlor on the London Underground at Earls Court

Or Angel being the station which has the Tube's longest escalator

Or Waterloo being the station with the most escalators - just a shame that hardly any of them seem to work

Annie Mole | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 8:39 a.m. | #

I've mentioned those before, Annie.
And I hate to be repetitive.

diamond geezer | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 8:53 a.m. | #

Maybe you should do a step by step guide for people in Suffolk to show them how to pull their train into a station in such a way that it doesn't hit the buffers (http:/
ews.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/suffolk/
4656430.stm).

Laura-Ann | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 9:19 a.m. | #

Point number 1 can occasionally be confusing.

Chz | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 9:22 a.m. | #

Best post in a long time! It synthetizes perfectly my own feelings about the scalator-noobs.
By the way, also tourists feel very surprised about all of those facts you've listed. Did you forget them intentionally?

sole | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 9:51 a.m. | #

Brilliant

The Girl | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 10:42 a.m. | #

Nice to know you've got the same problems as we've got in Jakarta.

Can I have a go at translating your post into Indonesian?

Jakartass | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 11:32 a.m. | #

Top stuff DG. I particularly liked point 6, though they're all very true (and therefore good).

Ant | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 12:09 p.m. | #

Question about number 2 - given that you are not allowed to stop to tie up your laces, what's the point in checking that they are tied up? Surely it will only give you something else to worry about, and this worry will gnaw at you and prevent you from concentrating on the task in hand?

Pete | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 1:30 p.m. | #

Since starting work in a building with many escalators, I'm pleased that I can now wander from the ground floor to the top without hesitating once to get on or off the escalators.

It does take some practice not to alter speed at all...

Kirk | 01.02.06 - 1:36 p.m. | #

Most important is not to look down while boarding - that will cause hesitation and with hesitation you mess it all up.

harriet | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 2:05 p.m. | #

I hadn't thought about that.

You realise I'll be making doubly sure I don't look down tonight, and then I'll fall over and everyone will laugh.

Kirk | 01.02.06 - 2:17 p.m. | #

16),If thow does come from Suffolk, then verily do not come with a bale of hay on your back or your favourite piggy under your arm or you will experience the wrath of the leftwalkers. Anyway you will be squashed to death in the ticket gate. If in trouble- don’t bother asking for help. Tube travellers are zombies.

peter | 01.02.06 - 2:27 p.m. | #

Assuming said piggy was allowed on the Underground in the unlikely event of the owner complying with Byelaw 16 (control of animals).

Although it doth say that dogs must be carried on escalators, thee should understand this to mean that if you have a dog you must carry it. You do not have to return from whence you came to fetch your dog before you take your first step on the miraculous moving staircase.

Pedantic of Purley | 01.02.06 - 2:48 p.m. | #

To use the Magic Ticket Gates they really ought to be told to have the ticket ready before hand and also put the ticket in with their right hand and remove with their righ hand rather than crossing their left hand across the body to insert the ticket hence wasting valuable seconds. Having said that, a lot of Londoners do that too - something I've never understood.

AC | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 3:53 p.m. | #

Next in the series for people from Suffolk : Walking on one's hind legs.

Lyle | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 5:16 p.m. | #

Thanks DG - marvellous.

I worry sometimes about someone attacking the London underground by stopping at the top of an escalator and not letting anyone past them. It's too horrific to think about really.

Dave | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 6:40 p.m. | #

I'm having a great deal of deja vu around this post, DG..

Excellent, as always.

Nico | Homepage | 01.02.06 - 6:41 p.m. | #

Absolutely fantastic! Please, please write a complete guide and circulate widely and frivolously in tube stations near and far and I will thus be a very happy londoner!

serentious | 01.02.06 - 7:33 p.m. | #

Yes,definitely, complete tube guide would be great! Now, lifts for a start - where to stand with minimal risk of close contact, how to maintain zen composure and avoid eye contact when there are only 3 other passengers
Thanks for the post DG - a treat after a long day!

elaine | 01.02.06 - 9:14 p.m. | #

dg, something has always plagued me, and you seem to be an expert. In Australia we drive on the left of the road, and stand on the left-side of escalators. In the United States they drive right, stand right. But in the UK they drive left, stand right.

How did this come about?

Russ | Homepage | 02.02.06 - 9:54 a.m. | #

...put the ticket in with their right hand and remove with their righ hand rather than crossing their left hand across the body to insert the ticket hence wasting valuable seconds. Having said that, a lot of Londoners do that too - something I've never understood.

I do this because I'm very strongly left-handed and my brain doesn't always do to well at the "using right hand to do stuff with, even when it's by far the most logical option" thing.

Deborah | Homepage | 02.02.06 - 12:59 p.m. | #

Pah everyone knows you overtake on the right or is london to much under the influence of johny overseas chappy, I shall continue to spurn your city and go to carlisle when the old mem saab needs a new twin set. I bid you good day

A Bergus | 09.02.06 - 12:57 p.m. | #

The London escalator system is simple and effective but not logical. When I first moved here (from Australia) I intuitively wanted to stand on the left and walk on the right. Britain is a country where we drive on the left and overtake on the right - wouldn't it make more sense to apply this to the escalator as well?

Caitlin | Homepage | 12.02.06 - 6:06 p.m. | #

Maybe it's the proximity to Europe that you've adopted continental norms for your escalator etiquette. After all, the drive left/overtake right thing seems to apply to other things such as swimming lanes at the local pool.

Caitlin | Homepage | 12.02.06 - 6:08 p.m. | #











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