please empty your brain below

Bring all your shoes as the genial shoe shine men will have them spit polished like new within moments of your arrival.

Hoffnung had similar advice, including - the Reading Room at the British Library has a good echo, and all brothels in London have a blue lamp outside.

I know this is off topic, but I went to see Closer last night, and was reminded of dg's bit on the memorial garden for unsung heroes as it plays a rather pivotal role in the plot.

Isn't it heartwarming when threads of your life intertwine?

10) Don't forget to thank every British person personally for their support in the war against Iraq. Remember to congratulate them on the wonderful Tony Blair (he's called a Prime Minister in the UK, not a President).

10) If you wish to experience 'real England', as opposed to the usual tourist fare, why not try making friends with some of the locals? Here are a few pointers: the English love it when you find things quaint. Call everything quaint if you possibly can. Comparisons between the size and standard of goods and services offered to those available back home are always welcome too. And finally, the English love nothing better to hear of others' good fortune and success. Why not tell them a few stories about how well you've done?

Should you ever ask of a Londoner, "Say, buddy, can you tell me how we get to Oxford?", please do not be surprised or offended if he sends you off to get the 14:45 Great Western from Paddington station.

And be sure to check out the steeple outside Charing Cross station, all that remains of the subterranean cathedral designed by renowned architect Eleanor Rigby, and which was demolished to make way for a bigger ticket hall.

If it was just irony i would probably not have an uneasy feeling about it,but iam not sure it is!

And be sure to say Hello how are you to every person you encounter.

10. Try the delights of the London Underground in the rush hour. Standing side by side on the escalators, you will hear traditional London greetings such as "harrumph", "excuse me", "get out of the bleedin' way" and "stand on the right". Respond with a cheery smile. If enjoying the elevator at Covert Garden, by sure to make eye contact with your fellow travellers and try a few lines from My Fair Lady or Mary Poppins to blend in (and don't forget to 'Feed the Birds' at Trafalgar Square).

stare innocently at the bewildered grin of the person to whom you just asked 'how do i get to lie-cess-ter square?'

10) Do try to remember the difference between the Bosphorus and the Cornish Riviera at all times:

What about asking for a pint of real English beer, and complain when it is served flat and not ice cold?

be sure to carry a brand new A-Z with you at all times. People will then know that you're a tourist, and will almost always offer assistance and tell you were to go if you look lost.

I was lucky, I guess, when I ventured from the wilds of Florida to London a year ago. I had a marvelous time wandering around the city. I asked people how to correctly pronounce things (I live in a land of Seminole Indian place names surrounding the Kingdom of the Rat -- English tourists have a ball trying to say words like "Appalachiacola", "Econlochachee" and "Kissimmee".) and didn't get lost once. Most people I met were perfectly happy to talk to me, and -- most importantly -- it didn't rain the entire 10 days I was there.

Don't drink the tea?! That's a little harsh!

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