please empty your brain below

Annoy someone by staring at a spot approximately 3 inches above their eyes.

"use mobile phone - very loudly - in the Quiet carriage where their use is (supposedly) banned".

Watch other people get on at stations and ask "is this the train for...?" having failed to understand either the announcements or the monitors.

Falling asleep drooling on the stranger-next-you's shoulder. Try to lean away from the stranger next to you who is falling asleep on your shoulder whilst drooling.

Masturbate furiously.

No, hang on, wrong list.

why furiously? Do you hate your bits that much? Surely "energetically" would be a better word?

Light up a fag in the toilet hoping no one will notice.

Lyle,

I don't think it's meant to be taken literally. "Furiously" is, historically, the appropriate adverb. But I suppose it is a bit odd...

Ignore the same people who you ignore every day, and who ignore you back.

Flush the toilet whilst the train is at Leicester station.

obb: That's called gentrification.

Build a model of the Forth Bridge from lager cans.

Attempt to straighten the curled corners of a prepacked sandwich.

Crawl along the floor looking for a pound coin that fell out of your pocket.

Learn ventriliquism so that you can throw your voice into the suitcase of the old woman across the isle and say rude words.

IIRC the 'furiously' thing resulted from an article posted at Fark which used that slightly inappropriate adverb to describe someone who was discovered giving himself a 'helping hand' in public. The inappropiateness of the adverb caused some hilarity and concomitant notoriety, whence the phrase passed into internet lore.
But I could just be remembering incorrectly and talking a load of cobblers.

Have a go at the drunken louts that are sitting in your four-seat table you reserved with Virgin )

Hope that the good looking girl thats just got on will sit in one of the three empty seats that you have managed to keep to yourself.

Burn your tongue on the coffee from the buffet.

Decide if you can get to the buffet and back before the next station.

Look for the White Horse as you head towards Northallerton. (The one cut into the hillside, not the pub)

Try to persuade somebody to lend you their laptop so that you can email your latest scribblings to your blog.

Try to figure out a way to sit comfortably.

Breathe a sigh of relief as you head North past the Ally Pally, leaving London far behind.

I'm going to Nottingham on Tuesday, I'll not bother to think of any more.











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