please empty your brain below
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Sorry, I've yet to receive my copy. Perhaps it's a consipiracy to make sure people in places like Hackney are erased forever.
Quink | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 9:08 a.m. | #
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I suggest instead you use the spoof one - it also has a section for dealing with zombie attacks, which due to an oversight the government one totally ignores, and there is also a useful section on getting bloodstains out of the carpet
Debster | 17.09.04 - 9:12 a.m. | #
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but if you want to be serious ...
1) Sparkling
2) Just shoot them anyway now, get that little chore out of the way
3) Dont phone, take a paper bag and put it over your head and moan 'we are all going to die'
4) Text him instead
5) XFM every time
6) I find two large tins of baked beans protect me from any unwelcome advances
7) not to mention their pension, eat their cats and budgies
 move into your now dead neighbours place
9) just one aluminium one
10) is this on a usual Saturday night or are we talking nuclear attack instead here?
Debster | 17.09.04 - 9:16 a.m. | #
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How come 8 came up with a smiley face? Ah well, hope you find those tips handy anyway.
Debster | 17.09.04 - 9:16 a.m. | #
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You can have my copy (that finally arrived a couple of weeks ago).
I won't be reading it.
Blue Witch | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 10:22 a.m. | #
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it's the combination of 8 and ) which makes it into a smiley.
And, here in one of only two urban parts of Devon - and not the one with the nuclear submarine base - I've got two copies of the Protect and Survive Preparing for Emergencies booklet.
Mags | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 10:26 a.m. | #
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I've got a copy and I can order up to five more of each and every language under the sun. I'm going to do that, because in a war, we'll need all the toilet paper we can get.
Scaryduck | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 10:34 a.m. | #
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Advice in the booklet boiled down for the busy: "Die quietly and try not to make too much of a mess, there's a good chap."
Ant | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 2:35 p.m. | #
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I've not received my booklet either. So I'm just getting on with my life like Yozzer told me to in the ad.
I have, though, acquired two vicious and highly trained security gerbils for protection when civilisation crumbles. I'd ask tomorrow about renting that bunker if I was you.
drD | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 4:56 p.m. | #
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1) Either, but with a twist of lime.
2) Shooting is too good for them, but stoning is permitted.
3) You can dial any number you like - the GSM network will be down.
4) Text Tony on 101010
5) Solent FM, water does't get any better than that!
6) As many as you like - you got rid of the neighbours so there won't be any complaints.
7) Yes, but use of their stairlifts is not advised during an emergency.
8} No, but you may go back for a corkscrew and bottle opener.
9) The government will issue you with a lead overcoat as soon as they sound the all-clear.
10) Don't trouble us with these minor symptoms. The nation is in the middle of an emergency and this is not the time for a "me, me, me" attitude. Do what the British male has always done in times of national crisis; take a couple of asprin and call your GP in the morning if it isn't better.
Peter | Homepage | 17.09.04 - 6:05 p.m. | #
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I got mine but didn't realise it'd arrived for some time. It looked like a piece of junk mail y'see.
Douglas | 17.09.04 - 6:49 p.m. | #
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Are you really worried about a terrorist attack? Look around you and realise that, perhaps with the exception of Brick Lane, you are in the safest bit of England. Bin Laden would be having a bit of an 'own goal' day if he did anything in East London...
Tom Reynolds | Homepage | 18.09.04 - 12:17 a.m. | #
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And as for 'How long til an ambulance arrives'... We'll be too busy picking up people with a cut finger to deal with you...
But more seriously...It'd be the fire service who'd pick you up, shower you, put you with another pile of people, then we'd have a look at you, realise you are about to die and leave you in the street in order to deal with people who we might be able to save.
The Major Incidence policy/planning is fairly scary, considering I'll be going \\_towards\\_ the 'event', and not making for the hills.
Must post about it someday...
Tom Reynolds | Homepage | 18.09.04 - 12:20 a.m. | #
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Reminds of me of Civil Defence advice(as they used to call it in the fifties and sixties). In the event of an atomic bomb, put brown paper over the windows and gather your family (people had them then) in a basement - or failing that under the dining table. Then someone made a movie that told a more realistic tale so they banned it for twenty years. Can't recall the title. Loved that thing about the unassuming door. Pure Alice in Wonderland.
Peter | Homepage | 18.09.04 - 2:38 a.m. | #
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It was called The War Game. But Threads was far more scary.
Debster | 18.09.04 - 2:44 a.m. | #
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I've got a copy of the old "Protect And Survive" leaflet, picked up from the excellent Kelvdon Hatch secret nuclear bunker (where I spend some weekends running around in military camo shooting at other people in camo with airsoft weapons).
Plenty of, as Ant puts it "Die quietly and try not to make too much of a mess, there's a good chap." The purpose behind the book being to make identification and remove of bodies easier.
I thought that "When the wind blows" was the scariest.
Hmmm I've got Threads and The War Game on video somewhere - must dig them out.
Tom Reynolds | Homepage | 18.09.04 - 11:24 a.m. | #
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Thank you all for that most sensible advice. Should the worst case scenario ever occur, I shall abandon all hope of survival and wrap myself in a black plastic binliner ready for processing.
diamond geezer | Homepage | 18.09.04 - 8:17 p.m. | #
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I seem to recall my early 80s anarchist survivial guide suggesting the actual plans to be:
1. Get a gun
2. Get transport
After that you are on your own.
Mags | Homepage | 20.09.04 - 10:55 a.m. | #
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