please empty your brain below
As a single person and in my late 60’s looking back on life I think than the best course for a man and woman is to live as a couple. The ideal is marriage and one partner for life. Never happened for me, I have always been single.

Of course the only snag is that when old age comes one will die before the other, so in the end you end up single again. So loneliness among old people is a problem.

I live in London, and although I own property here and in Spain, I stay mainly in London because I know lots of people here. I always have others staying in my house with me. I hate the winter in the UK and should be going back to Spain tomorrow but will change the ticket (again) as I cannot find anyone who can travel with me until December. It is no fun sitting in the sun in Spain out of season on your own.

Yes there are some advantages of being able to do what you like as a single person, but how much nicer to share life’s experiences with a constant companion.
Studies have shown that long term happily married couples live longer than single people.
It even says in the Bible right, near the beginning in Genesis, that “it is not good for man to live alone.”

John | 03.11.14 - 7:49 a.m. | #

You became single at 07:15? How mysterious. Pushchair incident? Aldgate East? Mysterious.

I figure you probably like things as they are, otherwise something would have changed in 15 years, but good luck in finding that perfect partner if not.

Lorenzo | 03.11.14 - 7:49 a.m. | #

Just to get the Bible quote I mention right it says "not good for man to live alone"

John | 03.11.14 - 7:55 a.m. | #

Love it! All so true.

welshkaren | 03.11.14 - 8:26 a.m. | #

I always used to think how mysterious it was that more or less all couples I met socially, I could be detect a seething resentment over something - often over something extremely trivial, (or 'loaded' on to something trivial). Friendships also occasionally enter this seething zone but one just walks away and shrugs one's shoulders. Apparently, 'co-dependence' requires a counselling intervention.

B | 03.11.14 - 8:41 a.m. | #

Coupled: You can have sex whenever you like.

DG, I like your sense of humour.

Bernie | 03.11.14 - 9:17 a.m. | #

when you didn't post this for a few years, I began to wonder why ... I do get the impression though that this year's contribution is less bitter

I spent many years as a single parent after a disastrous marriage (thank your lucky stars there were no children involved) ... I also came to the conclusion that "it's me" and in many ways it probably is ... I'm a fairly self-sufficient person and can survive alone, others can't and sometimes I think they seek relationships at any cost ... 14 years ago I met someone who is now my bestest friend, we lived together for a few years and it worked sort of OK but I think we both found it a bit intense, he solved this by buying a retirement flat by the seaside which is now his primary home while I've still got my London flat ... I commute between the two and we speak every day on the phone so I've got the best of both worlds, the friendship and companionship but private space as well

don't worry about it DG, what will be will be

Caroline | 03.11.14 - 9:39 a.m. | #

For me it is about twelve years, bar one or two liaisons - and, DG, you and I are about the same age [Sep '65 in my case]


single: You are never told 'I am joining Hare Krishna'. So a choice between her god and you, will only end one way...

I have read your blog for a number years - its the first thing I do every morning. I often want to comment as you almost always prompt deep reflection on my part. I really wish I could find your determination to do interesting things, go places, make the most of life. I am a born and bred Londoner and your insight into my own city is illuminating.

Today I am gloomier than ever - no job, no woman, starring fifty in the face...

But for the first, maybe only, time I wanted to thank you DG for sharing.

Take care

PJS | 03.11.14 - 9:43 a.m. | #

Never mind this, what's the score on the Mystery Count?

Kim | 03.11.14 - 9:45 a.m. | #

Kim - ouch!

Messiah | 03.11.14 - 10:05 a.m. | #

@lorenzo

I guess not such a mystery: that was presumably the time of the fateful phone call. Although something doesn't add up: 3rd November 1999 was a Wednesday, so it must have been a very long weekend.

Having noted that both I and my father have recently passed a point (in opposite directions) where we have each spent 50% of our lives in coupledom (and with a very moving All Souls Day service yesterday) today's blog struck a particular chord: thank you.

timbo | 03.11.14 - 10:17 a.m. | #

As ever - a thought provoking posting. Can it be a simple as most folk wanting what they haven't got, at any given time..? I've spent happy and sad time as a single, and also since being coupled. Yet the grass always seems greener...
BTW: "Coupled: You can have sex whenever you like.." is probably the funniest thing I'll read all day!

Frank F | 03.11.14 - 11:15 a.m. | #

Is it my reading of your statements, or are your opinions, apart from the last, turning towards coupledom?

Having spent more than half my life married I know which I'd recommend, provided you find the right person, and you're prepared to work at being the 'right person' yourself!

Bronchitikat | Homepage | 03.11.14 - 11:29 a.m. | #

My three rules for a cheery marriage were be polite: be kind: always be ready for sex. So the point that some are laughing at seems pretty accurate to me and my marriage lasted 41 years. But I'll agree with the benefits of solitude too.

Z | Homepage | 03.11.14 - 1:24 p.m. | #

I agree with John. Really, you just need to apply some biblical analysis to this situation.

Dom | Homepage | 03.11.14 - 1:37 p.m. | #

I also have been single for what seems a very long time. One factor is that I have been reluctant to take on anyone else's problems as well as my own. On the other hand, the proverbial problem shared is a problem halved.

Bob Lindsay-Smith | 03.11.14 - 2:33 p.m. | #

I'm guessing the 'pushchair incident' is somehow related to the blog post of 24th October 2012.

I've no idea how though.

James Armitage | Homepage | 03.11.14 - 4:07 p.m. | #

that does seem a long time for someone of dg's age to remain single, but it's his choice. I'm a lot older and have been single 10 years, but it doesn't really bother me, the few men who've shown any interest haven't appealed to me and with an adequate social life (and 2 cats) I don't feel the need to look for a mate. but when I was younger, and there were more eligible men available in a suitable age group, I'd probably have made more effort, and certainly didn't stay single for more than a few months.

amber | 03.11.14 - 6:26 p.m. | #

@timbo: From your information I'd interpret that an incident happened on a Sunday or Monday, and a few days later someone became single.

Patrickov | 04.11.14 - 1:11 a.m. | #

Single: You can have sex with anyone you like (who wants to have sex with you).
Coupled: You can have sex whenever you like (when they like to have sex).

E | 04.11.14 - 1:23 a.m. | #

I see most of the tangible negatives of being single (expense, etc.) as being related to inadequate social policy that has not kept up with demographic trends. The life-script, which taxpayers support is all about marriage and families. I'm not single as such, but I do live alone, by choice, in what is known to sociologists as an LAT LDR. Cohabiting would drive me nuts, I have no truck with the conventions of marriage and I prefer my own space and solitude. My only regret is that circumstances won't allow me a cat... or two.

Antipodean | 04.11.14 - 8:53 a.m. | #

Have you thought of what life will be when you retire?
Sitting at home all week being single is no fun. At moment you have your work colleagues and business issues to keep your mind and tongue active.
Retirement changes all that.
Get down to your local dance class lessons as I advised you many years ago.

peter | 04.11.14 - 12:29 p.m. | #

Peter,
I'm single, mid-60s and retired for several years. I've become so busy that at peculiar moments I've thought of going back to work for a rest. That moment lasts as long as it takes me to remember how crap my work-life was.
I've become deeply involved in loads of things, but have told the alarm clock, deadlines, daft boss-person instructions and stress to eff-off.
Retirement is great - I planned it (not to the last letter, just working out what time would be mine and what would be shared with others) and got my pensions sorted. I do not miss 'work' at all.

Joel | 04.11.14 - 4:10 p.m. | #

Joel, I'm in a similar situation, and think retirement is great. I can't do country walks any more, but have found lots of other activities which can be a way to meet new people. Who needs a partner?

amber | 04.11.14 - 5:34 p.m. | #

"Have you thought of what life will be when you retire? Sitting at home all week being single is no fun. At moment you have your work colleagues and business issues to keep your mind and tongue active".

Actually I work from home, only going into the office when I have to, because I love solitude and silence so much. I doubt I will ever get the chance to retire, though, the way that social security is going in my country, so I suspect that this is a moot point. If I could retire I'd imagine long solitary walks, cooking up a feast just for me and days spent researching and writing on whatever my latest fixation is (hopefully with a cat or two to walk on the keyboard at appropriate moments). This is me. Why do people always assume that their experience is true for all, especially if that experience happens to be a cultural norm?

Antipodean | 05.11.14 - 6:21 a.m. | #

Here's an uplifting no-longer-single story from Harriet, just to prove it does happen...

http://intheaquarium.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/love-at-first-sight.html

diamond geezer | Homepage | 05.11.14 - 10:39 p.m. | #

But, you're interesting and get out much more than most, and you have Followers everywhere. Including me, in Australia. Very few coupled or single can say the same.

Sally Hirst | 07.11.14 - 10:58 a.m. | #











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