please empty your brain below

Did you try the Distilled London Rainwater available on those little driverless trains? Has a taste all of its own.
Half-fill a bottle with water and stick it in the freezer before you go to work. Then before you go to bed, transfer it to the fridge. The next morning, you'll have a bottle with an icicle in it that you can top up with water again, and will stay cold for most of the day. (I suppose if you've drunk it all by hometime you could pick up a nice cold bottle of Underground Water at the station)
i heard they're going to start giving out Underground Umbrellas too during times of 'Adverse Weather Conditions'.

The TfL Dictionary does of course define 'adverse' as being anything from "Ooh look there's a dark cloud in the sky, it might rain later", to actual two-inches of snow on the platforms. It's all the same to them, 'adverse'.
Ooh yeah, just what I need, water "with a dash of maple syrup." Will this lengthen queues though (and how are you meant to get Chig Well water when they don't open their ticket office?)
The Osterley Eau de Vie (available to holders of gold cards only) beats any of the others.
Hahahaha! I love it.

"Oyster pay-as-you-go users will be able to touch in for a bottle at the reduced price of 80p. Emirates Air Line users will be asked to pay £3.20, in line with the existing surcharge for aerial travel."
Absolutely brilliant!
They've kept stocks of bottled water at most section 12 stations for several years in the event that they have a failed train and are faced with dehydrated passengers. It's hardly used of course and most of it simply goes beyond the use by date... As the stock gets close to that date and if the weather is hot, some station managers will instruct it to be distributed at no charge. It's a local management thing. I'm not sure if they do still keep a stock at stations now, or if they bring it out in an ERT van, but it was certainly the case a couple of years ago.
Diamond Geezer at his finest, celebrating the 1st of April all year round! I can't wait to try every flavour, apart from perhaps the Northern line variant - "slightly murky with floating bits" doesn't sound too appetising. I imagine it's sourced directly from the Thames!
I forget how we coped in heatwaves before the invention of bottled water. Didn't it used to be a strange thing you saw on foreign holidays.
A use-by date for water????
Of course. I suppose there's the issue of microbial barrier integrity, chemical leeching, stock control and the food industry's insistence on putting dates on everything because of consumer expectation.
You're bang on form when I can't quite decide whether there's a truth hidden in your satirical blogposts. I can therefore confess to being mildly disappointed when I passed through Arsenal station at just before 7am today to find no Underground water on offer!
If they're providing us with all this extra water, could they please open more toilets, especially in zone 1?
When I were lad (1960s, '70s), we used to drink tea, not water. No one waddled around with bottled water in their hands, and yet heatwaves (like in 1976) did not bring about this panicky response. Am I right, or just seeing the past with rose-tinted spectacles?
@Michael Dembinski
People are twice as fat as they were then...says it all really.
... or maybe London is now more crowded, especially in peak tourist season.
... and just to add, this had me convinced until I hit the flavours section, mainly because it is not unheard of for water to be given away during heatwaves here, particularly at 'events', but also sometimes by shops or city councils or civic groups. In fact, a city railway station had a cooling zone this summer past where water was misted downwards through cool air. You could stand in it if you were hot.
Alcohol-free water? Really?
The Emirate Dangleway customers will be unable to use this. It's a well known fact that bottles of water of more than 100 ml cause aircraft to crash.
I think I heard about this story last week - or perhaps it was just a leak.










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