please empty your brain below

Accroding to a letter in today's Grauni (and Dr.Who) the 10th planet is called Mondas and is home to the Cybermen....

there's the Smegsmår mattress cover, or even the six-packs of 'Fälch' juice glasses. Hours of fun, before we even reach the two wait at the tills...

Mondas, quite correct. Hidden on the other side of the Sun in a parallel orbit to the earth, therefore always unseen...

a mon a roll...you haven't mentioned Mile End's own 'Perrier Mine' recently...

Lucan - they've been looking for the tenth planet for ages, and now they think they've found it, but it's not the real thing

BBC News 24+1 raised a laugh at News24, btw.

As for water, how about "Three times as expensive as petrol"?

Oh, hooray, is Curl Up & Dye still going? I was driven past it about 20 years ago and have never forgotten it...

Føgdåf. Doesn't matter what product it's for, it'll still reflect the mood of whoever's holding it by the time they reach the front of the queue to pay for it.

Mårkräpp. A range of small impulse-buy items.

Didø. Free CD with all dining tables and chairs.

Victoria Wood mailed this one:

BBC BrainDead

...that should read "nailed this one" - I'm not in email correspondance with Victoria Wood...I wish I was though.

wish....wish....wish....

planet haemorrhoid.

water - diluted air.

Jerker (desk range for online porn surfers).... oh they've already got that on page 118.

When IKEA introduced a hideous range of plasticy shelving called Kåmpe, it raised much hilarity amongst me and the other young gays who worked there - cue the the woman in charge of the line screaming "IT'S PRONOUNCED SHAMPé!" across the shop whenever we made jokes about it. I'll spare you the ones we did for Leksvuk and Jerker.

AAhh, IKEA. How about WhåtDøYöuMeãnIHavëTøBuîldItMysëlf

Planet - should be called Bob, obviously.

Bottled water - Eaurine.

Hairdressers - Cutting Crew (for those 80s one hit wonder fanatics everywhere).

IKEA - I cannot think of one. The names are all ridiculous enough as it is.

Digital TV Channels - BBC NEWS 48 (double the amount of news), SKY QUALITY (for all their quality programmes - broadcasts between 23:58 and 23:59 every evening), THE ANNA FRIELD TALENT CHANNEL (no, I'm getting silly now), WEBCAM TV (watch your favourite webcams on your 48" plasma screen)

Spot on, inspector.

And how chuffed am I that BBC News24 heard about my BBC News24 +1 idea? If they try implementing it, as a cost-cutting measure, can I have a share of the royalties?

Oh - I nearly missed giving you my faouritestest hairdressing salon name in the world ever, II.

Just on the approach to the Tate Modern, is a little salon, called...*wait for it*...

Téte Moderne

I nearly imploded with mirth when I saw it - I do hope it's still there.

Did you not see the little featurette in the Guardian SatMag after Guts then DG? From there:
Barber Blacksheep
Bright'n'Bleach (in Brighton)
Blonde Dye Bleach
Hairs & Graces
Hairlucinations

& my absolute absolute favourite from these ones:

Curling You Softley
(proprietor Sally-Anne Sharples, nee Softley)

I'm on a roll now -

For Bottled Water, think QVC....

waterique

We have a barber's shop in Mandurah (Western Australia) called "Your Hairy Friend".

Thnaks for those Steve. I did see the feature in The Guardian magazine but I ended up throwing my Guts away in a Wimbledon litter bin. Glad you kept hold of yours.

LOL - I'm thinking of framing my guts.

In any case, I rushed down to 'the shops' and bought a Chuck novel - Invisible Monsters - his prose style is just loverly.

The 10th Planet - "Washington DC", because it's beyond the reach of all but the feeblest illumination.

Groggy, Bang, Skydd and Noby...not so much Ikea Supermarket Sweep as Supermarket Snigger.

Here in France (where no one has a sense of humour at the best of times) all our local coifeurs can come up with are...

Sun Sea Tif's (?)

Charlie Coiffure (known for a good shampoo and snort i spose)

Feeling (??)

CapMag (???)

Salon Nefertiti

and my personal favourite...

Salon Fanny Scoop

Pass the Gut Bin, please.

On the hairdressers:

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

Bloody great name so it is.

there's a hairdresser's near the airport here called ..........

'the hairport'

Bit late but, back in my home town there is/was a hairdressing establishment called "Hairways"











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